If I'm Louder (Niall Horan Love Story)

Chapter Forty Four: Zayn the Monster

     Zayn’s eyes widened as he saw you standing in front of him. You were breathing heavily. The cigarette was still in his lips. He looked at you, guilt filled his beautiful eyes. “What the hell are you doing?!” you yelled, grabbing the cigarette from his mouth, taking the lighter and packet next to him and throwing them in the pond close by. You threw them all away. You looked back at Zayn who looked very angry. He got up and grabbed you. “Ow!” you complained. He placed his hands on you tightly and actually tackled you to the ground. Hurting you. “Ow! Zayn!” you complained. He got on top of you, holding your wrists so you couldn’t escape. He pinned you down to the hard ground. He was too strong. “_____, what the hell?! That was my last pack!” he screamed. You couldn’t believe him. You were alredy going through problems and this made it ten times worse. “Zayn! Do you realize what you just said?!” you screamed back. “_____, that was my last pack! And now I’m gonna have to buy a new lighter too!” he yelled. You couldn’t believe he was actually yelling at you for what you had done. He promised he wouldn’t do it again and he did. He went behind your back. He actually placed his hands on your throat. You coughed. “Zayn!” you chocked out. His eyes filled with anger. “Zayn!” you yelled again. Or atleast attempted to. His hands were still on your neck. “You promised!” you yelled. After a few more moments of looking at you, tears in your eyes his eyes softened. “You promised me you wouldn’t smoke!” you said. He raised his eyebrows and took his hands of your throat.

     You gasped for air. He slowly got up off you and backed away. You stood up off the ground, dusting yourself off from the dirt. You brushed your hair away from your face. “You promised!” you yelled. He stopped backing away and didn’t say anything. All he did was drop his head and sit down on the ground again. He started to sob. You walked over to him and placed a hand on his back as he sobbed even more. “I’m a monster.” he whispered. You were shocked he said that. His hands were covering his face. “No. No, you’re not.” you said. “Yes I am.” he confessed. He looked at you in the eyes. His eyes were red again, puffy and glassy. “I am a monster.” he repeated convincingly. You just looked at him. He sniffled. “I punched Niall across the jaw and choked him. I almost killed him this morning when we all came home. I threw glass against a wall…” he moaned. You felt very sorry for him. “I…” he started saying. He couldn’t get the words out. “I… I tackled you to the ground. I screamed at you… I choked you.” he said. You didn’t know what to say. He did tackle you. He did scream at you. He did choke you. “I’m a monster.” he said again. You sighed. “No, you’re not.” you repeated. You grabbed him into a hug and just held him closely as he sobbed once more. He cried like a little baby. “I’m a monster.” he repeated into your shoulder. You knew he wasn’t. He was just angry and didn’t know how to control himself. “Zayn, you’re not a monster.” you tried convicing him. He wouldn’t believe it. He let his arms leave your body and looked at you. “I’m so sorry.” he apologized. You accepted it. But you sighed. “Zayn, why?” you asked him. He looked at you again and sighed. “_____, quitting smoking is harder than you think.” he admitted. “I’ve tried before. I’ve tried many many times and have fsiled many many times.” he started explaining. You were listening with all your heart. “Smoking is addicting. And it’s my addiction. You know how some people are addicted to their phones or whatever? Well my addiction is smoking. And it’s hard to quit. But you have to believe me that I’m really really trying. Smoking is a way that comforts me. It makes me relaxed. I think I just needed to do this now because of all the anxiety thats happening right now. The Niall drama. Things got to my head.” he said. You understood where he was coming from. “I understand.” you said. He nodded and sighed. You knew he was disappointed in himself. “I don’t mean to _____. I really don’t.” he promised. You smiled. “I know you don’t. But remember what I told you? Whenever you feel the urge to do this, you got to come to me. Remember that? You promised me you would and you didn’t.” He nodded. “I know. And I’m sorry.” he apologized again. You nodded.