What You Caused

72.

Chapter 72 | Jealousy is not a good look

Isabella:

I think Lucas has hypnotised me or something.

Seeing him this morning has just thrown me off completely because for some odd reason; I can't stop thinking about him.

Leo had hugged me in greeting when meeting me and all I could do was compare him to Lucas; compare him to the way his body felt flushed against mine in comparison to Lucas, compare him to the way he smelled good but not as good as Lucas, compare him to the fact because he's a little shorter, my head reached the crook of his neck rather than his chest like I did with Lucas.

Then, as we had been walking through the park, I had been only half into the conversation happening with Leo. He had been going on about God knows what - probably his nana again - and all I had been thinking of what that fucking note had said and over analysing every minute detail of what Lucas had written.

God, that had been the sweetest thing anyone had every said to me and my heart still thrashes like mad when thinking about it. I genuinely think a silly, permanent smile is stuck on my face that Leo probably thinks is from his company. Poor guy.

I find it crazy how anyone could ever view me like that, see me the way Lucas had written about me, and a part of me, the negative part of me, believed it was kind of all...bullshit. No way could I be that impactful on someone's life.

That part of me was wary that Lucas might have been simply exaggerating on my behalf...just to make me feel good but the other part of me just told me that I was being too paranoid.

The latter part of me was winning however, I believed more that Lucas was being sincere with his words. I had seen it in his eyes and they way he had assured me after I had asked.

Anyways, like I was saying before, all I could do was think about Lucas, think about Lucas and I, it sent my mind spiralling.

The domino effect had begun to play out in my mind and I began thinking about and over analysing every moment I've had with Lucas. Thinking about how he reacted after our drunken kiss, all the times we've hung out, the times we've just comforted each other on our issues, the way he's been helping me...and all the instances where other people have thought there has been a thing between the two of us.

Jesus, thinking about that made me realise how much it has happened where people have mistakened Lucas and I for a couple or ridiculously hoped that we were; my mom, Imani, Dylan and Aidan, Mia, Grace...the list went on.

It's like a curtain has been pulled open from away my eyes and I was realising this all for the first time.

Good God I wanted to bash my head against the table.

Did we really come across that way?

Regardless, I was completely distracted in my meeting with Leo - am completely distracted in my meeting with Leo. I'm more focused on dissecting the feeling of warmth that's rushed through me, the rapid beating of my heart and the butterflies swarming my belly as my mind replays all of this rather than on what the guy sitting next to me is currently talking about.

"Hey, Isabella...are you alright?" Leo asks me warily, snapping me out of my thoughts, a curious tone lacing his voice. "You look...not okay."

I lift my head from the table and gaze back at him before nodding my head slowly. "I'm okay."

"You sure?" He quirks an eyebrow, the look on his face telling me he doesn't quite believe me.

"Yes." I hesitate. "No. I mean yes. Um kinda...I guess." I scrunch up my nose. "Do I not look alright?"