Forgive Me (complete)

7

I propped my cheek on my hand feeling drained. I wasn't accustomed to all the light and happiness of Heaven so it had taken its toll on me. I knew sleeping wasn't an option but I couldn't wait to leave and return to the dark Underworld.

I watched as Avina laughed with Gabriel clearly in her element. In the Underworld she was always pleasant but she always seemed to have a tenseness that wouldn't allow her to be so carefree. I assumed Damian and I had something to do with that. Our constant betrayal had most likely been taxing on the poor angel. Seeing her here, I knew she had no business with Damian. He might be her soul mate but she deserved better than this. I knew he was afraid to be with her though he would never admit it but he did love her. He had admitted that much to me.

I noticed Michael walk into the giant room. I felt disgust and disappointment with myself for what I had done with Damian. Why I craved Michael's approval was beyond me. I hardly knew him but I needed him to think I was a decent being. He wouldn't though. He saw right through me which was evident from his glare piercing my soul.

He sat next to Avina clearly annoyed by my presence in his pristine world. My temper flared when he kissed her on the cheek. She was married, dammit! How could she allow him to kiss her!

He didn't so much as acknowledge me before diving into conversation with miss perfect Avina. I sat quietly, hating every minute of Heaven. I hated Heaven and I hated the Underworld. However I found the Underworld more acceptable. Everything was so light and cool in Heaven. It felt freezing cold to me here but I was slowly adjusting. I noticed silver and pastel colors everywhere. I was more accustomed to deep reds and black.

"You look tired, Katrina," Avina commented, successfully calling the attention of five arch angels to my bored and drained expression.

I shrugged in response opting to stay silent instead of telling her to fuck off. It seemed everyone else was waiting for a verbal response I wasn't willing to deliver. They could make it as uncomfortable as possible and I wouldn't budge.

"Suddenly lost your voice, Katrina?" Michael questioned.

I glared in response, "Am I not allowed to be quiet?"

"It is unlike you," he said nonchalantly.

I scoffed, "And you are suddenly an expert on my personality?"

"You could say that."

I rolled my eyes in response but shut my mouth. I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing that he got under my skin.

"Katrina, what would you like to do while we're here?" Avina asked excitedly.

"Nothing."

"You must want to see Heaven. You were human," she reminded.

I couldn't explain why my blood boiled at her innocent comment but I flew into a mental rage. Being the master of composure, I kept my mask calm and unaffected though I had a feeling she knew she fucked up by mentioning my former life.

"I'm not interested. I have work to do so if we could hurry this up that would be great."

The group looked slightly uneasy but recovered quickly being as happy as before. The only one that seemed to be in tune with my internal outburst was Michael. He watched me carefully through those deep violet orbs. I shifted uncomfortably under his piercing stare. It was as if he knew my every secret and he probably did. He probably knew I slept with Damian just before coming here. I wondered if he knew how much I regretted it. I wondered what he would do if I told Avina what happened. Would he be happy I came clean or would he be angry and disgusted it even happened in the first place. Would he know I didn't want to or would he just assume I had no regard for anyone but myself. He wouldn't be entirely wrong to assume I didn't care for anyone else's feelings but I wanted him to believe otherwise.

"Katrina would you please come with me for a moment?" Michael asked perfectly polite.

What the hell was I going to do? Deny the right hand of God?

I suppose I could. After all, it was in my nature to be defiant but I went quietly. I had to admit, I was interested in what he had in mind.

We followed the silver and white hallway to a more private room. In fact, upon further examination, I noticed it was a large and rather intricate bedroom. It looked more like a luxurious penthouse than simply a bedroom. What were we doing in here? Was he going to make a pass at me? That didn't seem likely but I felt uneasy all the same.

I kept my eyes on his broad shoulders and followed him silently to a seating area just before the actual bedroom. He motioned for me to sit with one sweep of his powerful arm. I couldn't help but notice the way the definition of his perfect body flowed as he moved.

"I want to show you something," he said as he walked over to a podium and retrieved a giant leather bound book.

He returned and sat next to me as he cracked open the book.

"This is the history of Adonai and the explanations for the world. It contains the meaning of life as well as every soul mate of every person, angel, and demon," he started.

I stayed quiet but looked over at the book. The writing was something I had never seen before though so I wasn't able to understand it.

"It is written in Hebrew," he said as he thumbed through the pages looking for something specific.

When he found what he was looking for he shifted the book over to my lap and I was surprised to see it was in English. These arch angels certainly had a few tricks up their sleeves.

I read the page about soul mates and exactly what they were. Apparently each person created had been part of one whole. The couple was lucky if they met in life but in death, it was inevitable. Of course the language was much more complex and beautiful when it spoke of the absolute completeness each person would feel while in contact with the mate.

"So what does this have to do with me?" I asked.

I knew I was the anomaly. I was not meant for anyone because I was as evil as they come.

"It has everything to do with you, love. There is a reason I know so much about you," he said as he took the book back to its place on the podium.

I waited for him to go on but he took a minute. It looked as if he was trying to decide exactly what he should tell me. Naturally, I was confused by his hesitation but I didn't question it aloud.

"Unfortunately, Katrina, you are my soul mate. I have attempted to have something done about it but there is nothing that can be done."

My heart sank at his words. I knew I wasn't good enough for him and I knew he would never see me as anything but the evil being I am but the fact that he refused to accept me as his mate was still crushing.

I quickly wiped away the tear that betrayed me but obviously not fast enough. Michael went to say something but I quickly stood before he could speak.

"I have business to attend to. I will collect the damned and be on my way," I said as emotionless as possible.

He looked unconvinced, "Katrina, you must understand why I would take action against this. You have completely disgraced yourself in your escapades with Damian. I am the highest ranking angel in existence and I cannot set such an example."

I set my eyes in a cold stare though I had never experienced such a deep hurt in my entire life.

"Thank you for thoroughly insulting me, Michael. I must insist you never speak to me again an-"

"That will be impossible," he said regrettably, "We cannot be apart too long unless you intend to suffer for eternity."

I laughed but it was not humorous in the least. It was dark and cynical.

"I have suffered through life and death, Michael. It is nothing new to me."

"This will be different," he said.

"Add it to the list," I threw over my shoulder sarcastically as I stormed out of the room.