Swish

.05

Palm tree fronds browning from the searing late summer sun blowing in the muggy breeze, the landscape floated by in a monotonous haze of blurring road signs and mile markers which accompanied the drive to my house where my ex boyfriend would be waiting along with my cousin. 

It still grossed me out that my ex moved onto someone who was essentially my sister after breaking up with me, a breakup that still stung more than I cared to admit.

I still remembered it as if it had happened moments ago, the conversation drifting in my mind as easily as song lyrics.

"I don't know why I don't feel it, we've been together for so long but it just seems...complacent, I guess.  I think of you not being in my life, and it doesn't kill me like I know it should.  I know you need a better answer than that, but lately, and if I'm being honest with myself...since the beginning, its just felt lacking to me.  Almost surface level, if that makes sense?  Like, we should be able to share everything with each other, yet I can barely get a two second conversation out of you about your mom."

"Why would you want to talk about that, though?  It hurts, so damn bad, so why would I ever willingly talk to you about that when all I want is to be happy?"

"Because you're ignoring your feelings, Virginia, and until you can figure that out, you won't be able to let anyone else in, just like you couldn't let me in."

"That's not fair.  You never opened up about what happened when your dad went to jail.  I admit I can be cagey about my mom, but don't just act like it's that one thing.  You just fell out of love with me," I defended, already feeling the tears threatening to burst to the surface.  I hadn't cried in so long, my feelings completely buried.  Maybe Jared had a point about that...

"That's completely different and you know it.  I've come to terms with his arrest, he's not a violent criminal or anything like that, it was just him making bad financial decisions and then he broke the law to try and protect his family.  I don't have any anger or sadness towards that anymore, when I know you barely talk about your mom without shutting down."

"So you're breaking up with me because I have issues about my mother's death?  Wow.  Real honorable, Jer.  Why can't you just man up and tell me the truth.  You want somebody else, right?"

He threw his hands up in annoyance.

"And you always do that!  You always deflect instead of facing your problems head on.  I want to have an adult relationship with someone that I can get serious with, someone that will last with me through college, and I don't see that being us.  I'll always love you, Virginia, but-"

"But as a friend right?  Or a sister?"

"Yeah..."

I rolled my eyes remembering the conversation.  Two years of dating, down the drain.  Granted, we'd been children when we started dating, at only sixteen years old, but he'd been with me through so much, and then right after graduation it was like everything had turned on a dime.

He began spending more time around the house, and Sara had spent extra long in the bathroom getting ready and putting on makeup just to go to the pool when she knew Jared was coming over.

I had my suspicions, but it wasn't until I had left for school in August that they were confirmed.  Jared was going to a school not far from home, and Sara was only a senior in high school since she was a year younger than us.  It hurt, to say the least.

My raging thoughts were thrown to the wind whipping past my windshield and suddenly my towering home came into view.

Gated and two stories high, the lush landscape surrounding my dad's home was precisely manicured, and butterflies exploded in my stomach as I noticed that Jared's silver convertible was already in the driveway.  There were a few more cars parked there, as well, though they could've been some of my dad's old NBA buddies there for a catch up.