(G)I-DLE: First (18+)

Eternal Sunshine

Did she just confess to me?

We were both there, dancing to the beat of the romantic song played by the band of violinists but we were not even into the tune as both of us waited for each other’s response. It was an awkward length of time that the song became a slow hymn, I then somehow instantly recognized it as Jason Mraz’s ‘I Won’t Give Up’. Soyeon and I resumed to sway with the soft tempo of the song with both our eyes stuck into each other’s through the eye mask.

I wanted to tell her something, but I just could not gather the courage to even open my mouth and speak. At that moment, I felt like we were alone on the dance floor and waiting for something to happen, but there was nothing of the sort.

I managed to bring myself to speak, but as soon as I began Soyeon immediately cut into me.

“Soyeon, I don’t think —“

“Sorry that I had to make it this sudden,” she cut with a really soft tone while not even removing her piercing eyes on me. They were so expressive even through the eye mask. “I can understand if you feel really awkward right now, but I just had to tell it to you. Since there’s no other person with us here, and we are in a really romantic mood, I think it just fits. I got myself into the rhythm as well. This is one of the times where I would let my selfishness overcome my own judgment. In a sense, you could say that I’m abusing the privilege of being here alone with you Y/N-nim.”

Oh God this feels awfully similar. I want to ask her to change her words because they remind me of Soojin too much.

“I… I’m not sure if I heard things right, Soyeonah”

I forgot everything that was supposed to be there. I was just so stuck in the moment with the romantic music that calling her ‘Jelly’ just won’t cut it.

“Y/N Oppa,” she smiled before continuing. “I know it was a lot to take in, but I didn’t just admit to you because of the situation. A lot has happened since we had that shared moment back in LA, including something unexpected that would hinder my feelings for good.”

What?

“I know already before we went to LA that you and Soojin had something going on and I even confronted you for it, right? If it wasn’t for that unfortunate blackout I’m pretty sure we would’ve talked about the two of you...”

I felt my cheeks flush with that. LA just reminded me so much of Soyeon more than anything else, especially blackouts. Damn.

I wonder what would’ve happened had she confronted me with Soojin then and there. Would I cease the unofficial relationship that we’re having behind the scenes?

“But after what happened that night and the morning after, I was really afraid. I just can’t show it, not when I’m naked in bed with the man who I just had sex with the night previously. I was afraid because I thought you’d change your view towards me; that after showing you how extremely vulnerable I could be you’ll just throw your respect for me just like that. I was acting tough until the very end because I was scared of you.

“Then after that, you just proved that I was wrong in every way. That time when we went to Universal Studios and we spent the day with each other, that was when I felt how sincere and how kind you are. I remember asking you for a promise that we won’t make too much of a big deal for what happened that night, and you lived up to your promise by taking care of me and acting as if there was nothing else about that. I never felt any awkwardness whatsoever. In truth, I was afraid that you’d change but gladly, you didn’t.”