ATEEZ ONESHOTS

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Authors Note: Before I begin, this oneshot will be focusing on depression, suicide, and eating disorders, so if you are triggered by these things, please read one of my sweeter stories :)

You stare at yourself in the mirror, a small feeling of contentment coming over you. It had been weeks since your last real meal and you were finally getting the body that you had dreamed of for so long, but you still didn't feel happy.

Yeosang had been plenty busy with his group and concerts, so you hadn't really seen him in person since he left Korea to go on tour, but it had already been 3 months, and you knew that he would be coming home soon, and if you were lucky, you thought, you would be gone by then.

A part of you wanted to stay but another part of you knew that if you did stay, all you would do is drag people down with you, "Yeosang would be too busy to notice", you thought. Perhaps your thoughts were just out of your immense sadness, but you had already made your decision, and nothing was going to change your mind.

After you got dressed, you picked up your dance bag and pulled on your jacket, walking out of the door into the cool air. This was your last dance class, so you made sure to dress in your very best. You felt...happy? as if all your problems were finally over, you wouldn't have to live with the person in your brain telling you that you weren't good enough or that you were too fat, you were finally getting away from the harsh reality you lived in.

You stepped into the dance studio, greeting and smiling at all your fellow dancers and friends, your happy smile hiding the fact that this would be the last time they would be seeing you. You took a seat and slipped on your satin pointe shoes, running your fingers along the seam...saying goodbye. Once finished, you stood up and began stretching. Shortly afterward, the dance teacher came inside and began teaching the dance class.

You pulled off your shoes and placed them at the door. "It's time", You sighed, walking inside the apartment and going directly to your bathroom. You didn't even bother locking the door behind you, no one was home.

You had recently given your cat to San as a gift, and he adored your little kitty, so you knew that she would be in good and slightly overwhelming hands. You pulled the pill bottle out from the cabinet, shaking it almost without thinking, you poured a handful of pills into your hand, then stared at the person staring back at you, a small smile grew on your face, and in a matter of seconds, you had swallowed the pills completely, waiting for something to happen.

You tapped your finger on the counter, waiting until the sharp pain came in your chest, further consumed your entire body. Your lips began to quiver as foam escaped your mouth, your body shook violently as you collapsed to the ground. "This is the end", you thought, the only thing coming into your mind being Yeosang and his smile, but you knew this was for the best, he would be happier this way...it would all be better in the end.

You closed your eyes, the only sound being your heartbeat that seemed to echo. You were tired, your body ached all over, you knew this was it, but then you heard a voice, a voice that seemed to make you jump.

"Y/n!", Yeosang called, "I'm home!", His tone was cheerful as he searched the house. You heard his steps stop at the bathroom door and hoped that he wouldn't open it, but that was life wasn't it? Never going the way you wanted.

You remained silent, you couldn't speak, you tried to open your mouth but only bitter air escaped your lips. You tried to get up, but you were flat against the floor, writhing in horrid pain. Yeosang opened the door, the smile that sat on his face disappearing at the sight of you, tears began to well up in his eyes and he crouched down, lifting your body off the ground, he screamed for help, and in a matter of seconds, the boys were in the bathroom, all yelling frantically. Seonghwa quickly called the emergency services, his tone panicked, his heart raced as Yeosang held your writhing body, Yeosang tried to talk to you, just wanting an answer to come from your mouth, but you only stared at him, eyes half-open, you slowly raised your hand to his face, touching it softly before it fell, hitting the ground, your eyes fluttered shut, you wanted to keep them open, just one last time, but it was too late, then your world went completely black.

"Where am I?", you thought, opening your eyes.

The room around you was bright white, so bright you had to squint at first. A voice suddenly spoke, catching you completely off guard. You looked up and a woman with curly black hair stared down at you, her eyes bright green.

"Who are you?" You said, "Is this heaven?"

The woman remained silent. You felt her cold fingertips touch your face as she smiled and left the room. A warm hand touched you softly, its touch almost distant. It was a familiar warmth, a warmth that brought you back sweet memories. You turned your head and looked at the person, his eyes tired and red.

"Y/n", He whispered, "I'm sorry"

You shook your head, trying to comprehend what he was saying, you couldn't speak, only air escaping you as you tried, it was more of a bitter cry than anything else, tears welled up in both you and Yeosang's eyes, he crawled next to you on the bed and kissed your cheek before nuzzling into your neck and crying, he held you tightly as he cried, murmuring words only God could understand.

"Don't leave me Y/n", He sobbed, "I was so scared, I couldn't imagine losing my best friend", He continued crying as he held you close, "I'm sorry I made you feel like you had to do this".

You pulled with every last bit of strength you had, pushing past the stone that lay heavy in your throat, "No Yeosang", You whispered, "I'm sorry"

Authors Note: Okay, so you all might be wondering to yourselves, "Why such a dark ATEEZ oneshot?", well let me explain why I wrote this...

As many of you already know, I struggle with an eating disorder and suicidal thoughts and sometimes, things feel too difficult to even keep going, sometimes I want to quit and "leave this world behind" and when I go on sudden hiatus's from Wattpad or Quotev, it's because I'm trying to talk myself off the ledge, and I don't tell many people this, but I don't have a very good support system offline and It's really hard for me. I have struggled with a lot of things in my life and I always strive to be the better person or support for someone else, I fake my smile every day and reply to everyone with happy words and love, but inside...I know I'm falling apart, and people just tell me, "Just stop writing then","Go offline", "stop telling people", and of course, I do take breaks from writing to try to help myself, but sometimes the only thing keeping me alive is my writing and being able to escape to other worlds through my writing...so I'm trying...but someday, I don't know...I might let go...I love you all and I will keep writing until I'm have let go of it all...

Love,

Raini

The mom and sister to the people who never had one. I love you all and I hope that I can always be a part of your lives, and bring smiles to your faces both with myself and my writing.