Claw's Bridge(Discontinued)

14. Doubts

(I'm going to clarify: Jungkook's body was reacting to the change in atmospheric pressure NOT to the bond. I'm not sure if those are the symptoms shown in real life, and I couldn't find any information on it either, so I improvised.)

I cuddled up into the blanket as memories hit me like a truck. I had called Namjoon my mate. I had made eye contact with him and called him my mate. I had let Taehyung hold me in his arms while I puked my blood out. And to top it all off, I had revealed the key to my healing and agility genesis.

"Nighter, are you awake?" Jimin asked.

"No, I'm dead. Leave me alone," I snapped. I heard his footsteps approach the bed. He sat down behind me. I huffed and turned to face him. "What's your power?"

"Telepathy, telekinesis and levitation," he responded.

"I wanted to confirm something. In the morning, at breakfast, when I tried to run, did Taehyung use his powers to make me run into Namjoon?" I asked.

"I'm not sure. But if you felt like you had no control over anything but your thoughts and speech, then yes he probably did," he responded. "So Namjoon's your mate?"

"N-no. I thought it was the bond, but it wasn't," I was quick to deny.

"How do you know if someone is your mate?"

"I don't know."

"You're lying."

"You're delusional."

He sighed. I almost- almost- felt bad.

"You can't escape reality. It's better to just face it, Nighter," he said. I knew he was right. The thing was, I wasn't homosexual. I had kissed guys back when I used to think that I had to be intimate with people in order to find my sexuality. It was until a few years ago that I realized that I didn't have to. I changed after a couple of incidents, and I forced myself to be heterosexual. "Even if we're not your mates, you're ours."

"I'm not homosexual," I muttered, but I knew I was convincing myself, not him.

"Ironically, you don't need to be homosexual to love people," he said.

"I don't believe in love," I said. I could change my mind to accept them as my mates, even if I believed that I was heterosexual. I knew I was not, I was forced to suppress the thoughts questioning my identity. I accepted everyone as who they were, homosexual or not. However, I was trained to not accept myself as such, that was the society I grew up in. Those who were homosexual and had homosexual soulmates were accepted... sometimes. The others were outcast.

"That's alright," he said. "We take baby steps. First, would be for you to accept us as your mates. If you give us a chance, we can make you see that soulmates are not as bad as you think."

I always wanted to find my soulmate. Or, that was the case until I turned 17. After that, I had a constant doubt if my soulmate would accept me if they knew my past. Eventually, I believed that I would never be worthy of having a soulmate. "I have a girlfriend," I said. Love was not meant for me.

"Oh," his voice exposed his dejection, and it made me feel guilty. "Do you really like her?"

"Yeah. She's the best," I responded, smiling at the memories I made with her. My smile fell when I realized something. "But she thinks I'm dead, so it doesn't matter, I guess."

"Of course it does. Dead or not, if you still like her, then it means something," he said, looking down at his fingers.

-

"Your health seems to have replenished. Your body is back to its normal functioning," Jisung said. "I think you can go now. If you feel sick, even a little, come to me straight away."

"Okay," I said, getting off the bed. "Thanks. Although I would love some decent clothes than this extremely thin piece of clothing. Where are my clothes?"

"Gone for laundry, I think. They were stained with blood. Seokjin left some clothes for you."

I nodded in response. I started changing.

"NIGHTER!" Taehyung exclaimed as he strutted into the room. I looked at him in annoyance. "O-oh." He turned around with pink cheeks when he realized that I was shirtless.

"What do you want?" I asked as I put on my shirt. It was a good thing he didn't see my back. He would have seen the bumpy scars and the faint scars that were scattered along my back.

"We were thinking about going to the city. Yoongi's staying back because he doesn't like going outside. Do you want to join?" he asked.

"No, I'm good," I responded. "Where's Hoseok?"

"He must be in the throne room, waiting for everyone to get dressed," he responded. I saw him fidgeting with his fingers in nervousness.

"Okay. You can turn around," I said, once I put the one size too big shirt over my head. "Also, Taehyung. If you ever use your powers on me to get me to do what you want, I will either kill you, or I will reject you with no remorse."

He gulped and nodded. "I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that," he apologized, looking down at the floor.

I sighed. Apologies meant nothing to me anymore. "It's fine. Don't do it again." Taehyung and I walked to the throne room in silence. Normally, I would have thought that it was an awkward silence, but I was too busy trying to memorize the turns and too busy being fascinated by the decorations in the palace.

"Hobi!" Taehyung squealed, attracting the green-eyed male's attention. "Nighter was searching for you."

"Oh," he said. He looked at me and smiled softly. "What's up?"

"Do you have my dagger? Or does Yoongi have it?" I asked. His smile fell.

"Yoongi has it. We took it from you because it's dangerous. You could get hurt," he said.

"I know how to use the dagger. I'm not a child, so stop touching my stuff," I snapped. "Where is he?"

"Library," Hoseok responded, looking at me with sad eyes. I nodded and walked off in the direction I assumed was the library. I vaguely remembered where Seokjin's room was. If I was correct, the library was just a floor down.