𝐕𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐞 𝐇𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫 ✰ 𝕚𝕞𝕒𝕘𝕚𝕟𝕖𝕤

insecure ^

- kinda sad content :/
- cringe warning lol
- tw (body image, body dysmorphia, eating disorders)
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y/n's pov

i was having one of those days where i woke up and felt disgusting. i woke up before vinnie. i sat up in our white bed sheets and stared at the sun pouring through the window. i followed the suns path and saw how it made vinnie's skin glow. how was he mine?

i slowly got out of bed, rubbing my face. i walked to the bathroom that was connected to our room. i took one glance at my reflection and didn't recognize it. i put my hands on each end of the sink and leaned. i glared at myself.

the way vinnie's shirt hung off my body. the way my stretch marks reached out of my underwear. the way my thigh gap was fading. i lifted up vinnie's shirt to check my stomach. it was a daily thing i did. it determined what the rest of my day would be like. his shirt hung off my boney shoulder and collarbone. still not good enough. still not worthy of him.

i began to cry. i forgot to lock the bathroom door as i sat in the corner by the shower. i hugged my knees. i sobbed as quietly as possible. why was i still not good enough for myself?

i climbed to my feet, removing the two items of clothes i had on. i turned the water on in the shower and got in. i turned the heat up so it would burn my skin. i tried to wash away the feeling. i tried to burn away the guilt. i knew he'd be disappointed in me if he knew.

if he knew that i got this body by killing myself agonizingly slow. would he even love me anymore? i started to sob again. it echoed off the shower walls. my cries for help weren't loud enough. no one knew. how could they?

eventually i stopped trying to scrub away something that wasn't physical. it was all mental. i climbed out of the shower and placed a towel over my now red and sensitive skin.

i walked back over to the mirror and took off my towel to use it to dry my hair. i was mortified. how could he possibly love this? how could he be attracted to this? i wrapped my towel back around me, disgusted. i collapsed back onto the floor light headed from the heat in the shower. i sobbed again. only this time it was louder.

"love?" vinnie's sweet voice called through the door. i kept sobbing. the knob turned. "love?" he looked to the right before looking to the left and seeing me on the floor. he immediately came over to me and sat. i looked down but he lifted my head to look at him.

i opened my mouth to speak but he interrupted me. "i know why you're crying baby. you don't have to speak." my tears flooded my pink cheeks again. he pulled me into him. his warm body calming my always cold one.

"i know you hate yourself darling." he spoke. i turned my head into his chest and gripped the fabric of his shirt, sobbing louder than ever. 'you're so insecure you can't even hide it.' 'he's gonna leave you.' my brain flooded with thoughts i didn't care for.

"baby listen to me." he whispered close to my ear. he grabbed my hands. "you are so incredibly important to me. not only are you the most beautiful woman i've ever seen, you're kind, strong, forgiving, and you have the most gorgeous soul. it hurts to see the woman i fell in love with slowly fall out of love with her own beautiful self." he kissed my forehead and pulled me away from his chest, making me look in his eyes. "so, my love, let me love the parts of you, that you can't love about yourself."

i breathed in a shaky breath. i nodded. "i'm sorry i do this to myself." another tear fell and i wiped it. "it's not your fault baby." he tucked my wet hair behind my ear. his shirt was soaked.

"come on, i'm gonna cancel everything i have to do today and take care of you." he started to stand. before i could protest he interrupted. "no arguing. you need to be taken care of for once. you never allow yourself to rely on me. i'm here and i'm never going anywhere. i understand it's going to take a lot of time for you to realize that but i'm gonna remind you how much you mean to me." my eyes welled up as he helped me stand. "don't cry again baby."