Her Lady Love [FemHangeZoexFemReader]

Chapter 25: Coping

(Y/N) woke up to bright light streaming in from the window and she winced. She rubbed her sore eyes and looked around, disoriented before she realized where she was. It was the morning after Hange had rejected her.

"Ugh," (Y/N) muttered. Her whole body was sore, even though she hadn't participated in any training. She felt drained and disgusting.

(Y/N) rolled out of the bed, smoothing her crinkled uniform. She hadn't bothered changing last night. And honestly, she didn't really care about changing now either. So, what if she had worn the same uniform for two days? Her heart was broken. Nothing mattered anymore. She smoothed her hair and groggily walked out the door. She kept her head down, avoiding eye contact with the scouts that were milling about in the hallway. Some were on their way for training, while others were getting ready for expeditions.

"(Y/N)?"

(Y/N) turned around and saw Petra, walking next to her. (Y/N) blinked, surprised. When had she gotten there?

"Are you okay? I've been trying to catch your attention for a few minutes!" Petra asked, concerned.

"Yeah," (Y/N) responded, dully. "Did you need anything?"

"No, I just wanted to check on you since you got discharged from the medic. How is your arm doing now?"

"Good."

"That's great! Did the medic say when your cast would come off? The cadets are missing you and your cool ODM techniques."

"No."

Petra stared at (Y/N), quizzically. The two walked in silence towards the mess hall before Petra spoke up again. "(Y/N), what's wrong? You're not acting like yourself."

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure? Your cheeks are blotchy, and your eyes look tired. You sound...depressed. I'm worried about you," Petra stopped walking and placed a hand on (Y/N)'s arm.

(Y/N)'s breath hitched as Hange's words echoed in her brain. Why was she so sad? She should have expected this! She should have seen this coming! Of course, Hange wouldn't want to be in a relationship!

"I...I told Hange. I mean Hange confronted me," (Y/N) said, hoarsely.

"Oh," realization dawned on Petra's face. She didn't ask how it went, concluding from (Y/N)'s facial expressions that something had gone wrong.

(Y/N) felt her throat constrict. Oh no. Not again. She had thought she didn't have any tears left to cry. Come on, (Y/N), she encouraged herself, you're a soldier! Be strong! But no matter how hard she tried convincing herself that everything was okay, she couldn't manage to dull the ache in her heart.

"Here, let's go outside," Petra gently grabbed (Y/N)'s elbow and led her to the outdoors. She had noticed (Y/N)'s eyes pooling with tears and wanted to give her some privacy.

"Petra, she said that she liked me too," (Y/N) choked out.

Petra sat next to (Y/N) on the bench, glancing around to make sure that no one was around them. "She did?"

"She said... She said that we can't be together because we're soldiers and she's busy with her scientific stuff," (Y/N) sobbed. "And I understand! I do! But it still hurts. I expected this and I'm angry at myself for getting too attached."

"I—" Petra began to speak but (Y/N) cut her off.

"And the worst part? The worst part is she told me she likes me! If she had said she didn't care, if she had rejected me because she thought I was weird, that would have been better! But all I can think about now, is what we could have been. What could have happened if we weren't soldiers...if we weren't stuck behind these god-forsaken walls! What would have happened if we lived in a reality where we didn't have to worry about surviving every goddamn second of the day," (Y/N) buried her face in her hands.