Anthony's Diamond (Anthony Bridgerton Fanfic)

17. Conflicted Feelings

"So we now know where you are from and a little bit about your past but I still have the question that brings me the most curiosity. Where did you and my brother meet, I asked it before but never got a response," Daphne asks politely following Eloise's dismissal.

  Turning to look at Anthony before speaking I reply, "We actually met at the first ball of the season a few nights ago... we shared a dance and that was it. Then again the night following,"

  "I would love to talk more about that second night," Lady Bridgerton interrupts, "Why did you run off on my son? I mean there must have been reason for it?"

  After pausing for a second thinking of some sort of response I decide to go in a direction that may not attract me the highest level of admiration, "I am not sure that I feel comfortable discussing the reasoning as of now. I think I still need to explore this topic myself. If I may add, I am not sure how much I would like to discuss Anthony's and my relationship without my father or brother's presence in general. I came to this lunch party to meet you all on behalf of Eloise, I came here for her not Anthony which is bizarre considering she isn't even sitting with us. Now once again I will apologize for this answer but to be true to myself this is how I must reply," I demand looking up to see shocked expressions from the adults, snickers from the children, and the most peculiar expression from Anthony himself.

  Unable to think of anything more to say and maybe trying to protect myself, I talk once more, this time pleading for a brief dismissal, "I am going to go find Eloise. I will send Benedict back when I find her," I finish leaving the table with their jaws on the floor in disbelief.

  Quickly excusing myself, whispering to myself trying to forgive my manners, I wonder through the halls hoping to find Eloise. It wasn't until now that I realized I am not quite sure where Eloise is so finding her will be harder than I thought and the anxiety from my informal speech cannot be helping my situation in the slightest.

  Wondering through the halls aimlessly for the next few minutes I finally recognize her harsh voice bickering with her brother, reasoning with him to leave her alone.

  "Sorry to interrupt, I needed some fresh air just like Eloise. I figured we could keep each other company. So Benedict, you may return to the rest of your family,"

  "I- V... Veronica why are you here. You should be enjoying the party," Eloise croaks between her frustrated and wondering tears as Benedict excuses himself.

  "Like I just said I need air. Just like you I wasn't expecting or wanting to talk about Anthony's and my relationship today. I really just wanted to talk about you, meet your family for you,"

"That's hard to believe Veronica... and you have no idea how bad I want it to be true,"

  "What do you mean? Do you believe i'm lying?" I ask confused.

  "Don't play dumb with me Veronica. I know you and Anthony have feelings for each other, i'm sure you are just dying to have a courtship established and you came up here to make yourself feel better," Eloise continues.

  "I am afraid that I am still confused Eloise..."

  "Veronica I saw you and Anthony kiss in our yards. I didn't mention it because I was too scared to, in denial, maybe I was just trying to protect you two. I also didn't want to believe it, you are my friend, like you said you came here for me and I just wanted that to be true,"

  "You saw what..." I stutter not believing what I just heard, praying that my mind is simply playing tricks on me. Hoping that it isn't true.

  "Please do not play dumb I know what I saw. Veronica behind Penn you are the closest friend I have ever had. And unlike Penn I thought you were different from most of us girls, despite your high position in society. I didn't want my brother to be the one who would ruin you. When I saw you two kiss, my heart broke. I know that you two have danced and I always knew it would be an option but I was praying against it. I just wish you were still my friend, not his,"

"Well then why am I upstairs with you instead of down there with Anthony? Why did I leave them, quite abruptly and improperly to be up here with you?"

  "To make you feel better about yourself..." Eloise whispers fighting another tear.

"No Eloise, like I said I am here for you. I don't have many friends and there is no way that I am going to let one go this easy. You are my friend Eloise. If you aren't comfortable with Anthony and me having a relationship," I start hesitating my next sentence, "Then I won't further my relationship with him,"

   "You would really do that for me?" Eloise almost gasps.

  "I- I guess so," I finish not knowing how to get myself out of this hole I have just created, terrified that this will turn into another lie.

  "Well maybe I was too quick to judge you this time Veronica. Now let's go back down to the party, i'm sure they are eager for our presence. Especially since it seems you excused yourself so abruptly,"

  "I only excused myself so abruptly because you did it first," I joke pulling her off of her bed.

  From there I follow Eloise, my friend, down to her dining room to meet up with the rest of her family. Trying my hardest not to break down crying just how Eloise was. Trying not to feel depressed over the concept of letting Anthony go. Allowing myself to forget about the man who has been blessing my dreams.

  "Awe, my beautiful daughter is back," Lady Bridgerton cheers upon our return.

  I am not quite sure if other words were mentioned, all of my attention was then  locked on Anthony. The man I believe to be in love with. The man who I think was starting to like me. The man that I cannot have.

  By looking at him my heart begins to break even more as his concerned expression tries it's hardest to warm my heart. As his dark eyes lighten and shimmer with curiosity, his lips slightly parting in awe. But my promise to Eloise is worth something, I cannot loose her, so I cannot take his concerned expression, instead I must push it away, pretend like it never occurred.

  I then look at Eloise and notice how happy she looks in comparison to her somber emotions just a few moments before. Seeing her happy warms my heart. But seeing my favorite two Bridgerton's together does make my stomach churn in the most peculiar way, I want them both so bad, Eloise's friendship and Anthony's love... but now I can only have one.

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     Hi! I haven't updated in quite awhile and I am sorry! I have been battening depression and in the past month my mental health issues have been particularly more relevant. I am happy to be back and hoping to update longer chapters soon and hopefully back to my weekly schedule. Ily guys and I just want to say thank you if you have stuck around this far, I have high hopes for this book and every read means so much to me. With that remember to vote, comment, and have a wonderful day/ night :)