me and nate still text. we fight. tell each other we love eachother but then tell each other that we're no good for the other. but we haven't hung out. he doesn't bring me to school anymore and he doesn't bring me home either. he always offers to. but i always decline. it's just not good for us if we keep going back. it's toxic. and he's abusive and i'm way too sensitive to be in a relationship with nate jacobs.
everytime i see him in school we always make eye contact with eachother and our faces soften. i just want to hug him. i want him to tell me he loves me. but we can't keep doing this. we're just hurting ourselves. but i can't resist him.
friday night-
nate has a football game tonight. even though it's the middle of may and it's spring and football isn't in season. but every year my school has this charity event thing and the football team plays a game against our rival town for charity. even though it's spring time.
i didn't really plan on going. i want to. but i try to avoid nate as much as possible. it just keeps us from getting hurt. but i miss him. so fucking much. but he texted me to go
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i probably shouldn't go. but i'm gonna anyways .
i decided to show up late. i went an hour after everyone showed up. just to get him to think about me.
i showed up in one of his jerseys. it had his number on it and his name on the back.
(btw she has her license and her own car now. shes been 16 for a few months now i just didn't include it cause i like skipped over like 4 months lol)
when i showed up i walked near the bleachers. as i walked up the stands i could feel everyone's eyes on me. everyone knew about me and nate's break up. so when i showed up wearing one of his jerseys that had his name on it everyone thought it was sus. but it's not their fucking business that me and nate are just dealing with things.
he made eye contact with me and i quickly looked away
the rest of the game went by so slow. but our school ended up winning like always. thanks to nate and his obsessive ass need to win all the time.
i walked off the bleachers and stood on the field with my arms crossed waiting for nate to come up to me.
he saw me and came over to me. neither of us said anything for a sec. we just stared at eachother. but then i just hugged him. and he wrapped his arms around me. i cried for a bit then we unattached from our hug
he wiped my few tears away and kissed me. he hugged me again. "you know i really fucking hate you. but i really fucking love you" i said. "i really fucking love you" he said. i looked up at him and smiled. he bent down and kissed my forehead. i let out a sigh and he put his hand out for me to hold.
i grabbed his hand and we walked off of the field. everyone was coming up to him to say good job and whatever but he kept all the conversations short so me and him could get out of there.
we got to his truck and got in. as soon as he started driving i could see the tears fall down his face. causing tears to fall down mine.
