When it hurts (ongoing)

Chapter two

I'm sitting in English class, barely listening as Mr Anderson rambles on about the importance of repetition in poetry. His blonde hair bounces as he struts around the classroom, smacking his pencil against the board repeatedly. And yes. I still have Austin's phone - currently sitting in my bag and ringing for the third time this lesson. I begin to wonder if he's realised his phone is missing and contacting it from another to discover it's location. Or if this is just what it's like having a phone and being popular - constant messages and alerts.
I could never.
When I first broke the phone, I wasn't sure what to do with it, I thought about leaving it there - smashed on the floor. The idea made me feel guilty - like he would somehow know I was the culprit, the idiot that managed to completely shatter his phone screen.
I blame those wanna be mean girls.
When the bell rang I rushed to class with the phone in my hand, figuring I'd pay it attention later. I'm lost in thought about what to do with this god damn phone when I feel a gentle tap on my shoulder. I turn to face the disturbance, seeing Jackson shaw staring at me with a sweet smile. His curly brown hair is a mess on the top of his head, his brown eyes so intense I almost look away.
"Hey" he says, although it sounds like it hurts.
"Hey" I force my lips to form a polite smile.
Oh it's awkward.
Jackson was one of my good friends some time ago, we started to date a couple of weeks before Issac's death. Him and Issac never saw eye to eye, Issac was heavily convinced Jackson didn't deserve me. I however adored Jackson, ignoring Issac's warnings I let Jackson finally take me out on a date, which then led to more dates.
Rookie mistake.
He clears his throat "do you maybe want to..." he hesitates "catch up after school? We can go to that Italian restaurant you like?"
I'm scared to ask if his offer counts as a date.
There's a long silence between us as I think of the politest way to reject him. He's drumming his leg anxiously under the table, causing it to shake.
When I don't respond, he smiles nervously "we haven't talked in awhile and I'd love to straighten things out between us".
I register every word carefully, granting him the benefit of the doubt. It's been a year - people can change.
"Ok" I say and smile.
His smile widens, relief easing the obvious tension in his expression "that's a yes?"
I nod, already regretting my decision.
"Great, I have basketball after school so can we meet there at six?"
"Six" I agree.
He smiles gratefully, spinning straight in his chair. The familiar ache in my stomach appears a few seconds later.
This isn't going to end well.

***

I check my phone for the 100th time, it shines brightly, displaying the time.
6:44
I look around the busy restaurant, wondering if anyone has noticed what's happening to me.
Jackson stood me up.
Forty- five minutes I've been sitting in this booth, waiting for him. Someone turns the corner and looks in the booth, I expect to see Jackson - but it's not. It's Jess, smiling at me sweetly.
I sign, relieved to see her "hey" I say "what are you doing here?"
Jess slides into the leather booth across from me, placing her hands on the table "I'm not letting you sit here alone, if that asshole isn't going to show you a good time, then I will".
I had texted Jess earlier, telling her my plans with Jackson and how they had failed miserably. I didn't expect her to come here but I'm glad she did.
She waves her hand in the air "waiter!" She calls before giving me the side eye, a playful wink "my treat".
If my experiences with boys continue to be like this one, I'll move to LA and marry Jess instead.

***

I'm in Jess's car, my stomach blissfully full. The music is playing quietly, the fresh air entering my open window. I turn to look at her, her blonde hair flying in her face from the wind.
"Do you mind dropping me off at school?" I ask, rolling my window up.
She turns to look at me, confused "now? you don't want me to drop you home?"
"I have some school books I need to pick up before tomorrows class" I lie "my mum is on her way home from work so she will pick me up from the parking lot so you don't have to wait for me".
"Ok that's fine" she says, pulling the car up to the school entrance.
I unbuckle my seatbelt, leaning over I give her a hug, trying to show my appreciation "thank you Jess, next time it's on me". I open the door, stepping onto the curb.
"I'll hold you to that" she smiles. I close the door, running up the school steps as I hear her drive away. I walk through the school hallways, I wanted to come hear after school hours - when it's abandoned to return Austin's phone to him. I had went to the towns local phone repair store at lunch. I was told that it would cost $80 to be fixed, but would take up to three weeks due to a backlog of clients. So instead, I went to a cash machine and took out the money and placed it in an envelope with the phone. I feel bad not fixing it, but I don't want to have this phone for longer than I need to, and I spent a ridiculous amount of money buying books last weekend - otherwise I'd buy him a new one. I'm standing in front of Austin's locker, there is no space to slip the envelope through, but I know the changing room lockers do. I reach up to the top of the locker, skimming the surface with my fingers. I touch hard metal, I pick it up, seeing it's a key to his locker. The locker I am currently standing in front of is by code, so I start off in the direction of the basketball courts. I find the changing rooms quite quickly - Issac used to play basketball, so I'm familiar with the layout. I walk in quietly, letting the door slam shut behind me. I look down at the key to see the number nine engraved into the metal, looking back up I scan the room. I spot the locker at the far back wall, the number nine largely displayed on the lockers front. I cross the changing room, moving around a bench until I'm directly in-front of the locker. I lift the key to the lock, twisting it until the door grants me access. It opens with a horrible, squeaky sound. I swing my bag pack to my front and unzip it, taking out the envelope. I sit it inside the locker before closing the door and removing the key from the lock. I visibly sign, relieved to put this issue behind me, I turn around, zipping up my bag. When I look up I scream, jumping back and throwing the key towards the figure staring at me. Leaning against the lockers opposite to me is Austin rivers, staring at me with a curious gaze. The key flies in the air towards him, hits against his chest and falls to the floor. It doesn't have any affect, he doesn't flinch - doesn't move at all. His attention moves to the key twirling in circles on the floor, he places his foot over it to stop it moving, but his eyes never leave mine. He takes me in, standing in front of his locker, still he doesn't say anything. I'm in disbelief I just threw the key at him.
What was I thinking?
More importantly- how do I always find myself in these situations?