Solitude

Bonus #1

Just like the canal, this part of the river was pretty hidden. Trees crowded and hid the natural water chamber, hanging low in a game of who can touch the water first, their leaves a healthy green; large and vibrant in the summer sun. A clear sky greeted us from overhead; an uninterrupted blue, a warm breeze kissing my cheeks and lightly caressing my hair.

A smile lit up my face as I looked out at Loki and Zeus; the giant marmalade coloured Great Dane and the smaller, brown and white Spaniel, one trotting and one running wildly along the narrow path of the wide river. They had adjusted pretty quickly to the move. Loki was a little hesitant since it had been just him and I for so long but after a week or so he enjoyed the extra fuss he received and the permanent time he had with Zeus.

Our walks were longer now, instead of walking along the canal we strolled along the river where hardly anyone walked or cycled by. Most days it was just me and the dogs.

My anxiety wasn't as crippling -I didn't know if that was from the lack of uncomfortable social interactions I encountered or because my anxiety wasn't as threatening and hard to manage. Anxiety was still with me, a companion of sorts that I couldn't shift, and I think it would always be with me. It was something that was part of me now, it could only lessen or worsen. My anxiety depended on the day; somedays I could smile at strangers, partake in an exchange of pleasantries with the odd person whom I would come across on my walks -those were on the very good days when Alex was with me- or I would fall back to my old hermit self and my anxiety would surge, overwhelming me until all I wanted to do was curl up on the sofa with the dogs, hiding away in a blanket and write.

It's happened too many times where I've done that and Alex comes home to see me looking like Sheldon when he was outraged and wanted to destroy the planet.

Alex and I both shopped for our groceries together on a Saturday, going to a completely new supermarket in the evening since it wasn't a peak time. The fact that I had to change supermarkets was incredibly troubling and I'm ashamed to say it caused me a panic attack or two but I got through it, with Alex.

The summer colours were vibrant and bright, lighting up in the sun. Flourising flowers, bright green grass, animated trees that waved in the light breeze. The River glistened and shone like thousands of diamonds were trapped underneath, whooshing and singing to its own tune, ignoring the winds and birds' songs that hummed beautifully. Swans floated atop the glittering surface like royalty; elegantly and slowly, spreading their wings to show their crowns.

I enjoyed the river more than the canal. Its beauty astounded me.

My feet ached as I set foot in the old english cottage that was surrounded and seculded by trees, rose bushes and fields; green, brown, pink, red and blue surrounded us. We were in our own bubble here which was how we wanted it to be, only a few people knowing where we live and visiting us every now and then.

Neutral colours greeted me, pictures of Alex, the dogs and I greeted me on the off white walls. My lips instantly curled up at the reminder of my family.

"What are you doing home?" I ask Alex, shocked by his presence when he should be at work.

"I love being welcomed so sweetly by my wife." He teases and I bend down, the two of us sharing a sweet kiss.

"Better?" I whisper, crimson creeping up my cheeks when he pulls me down for a second, longer kiss that sends my head spinning.