Chapter 64: Alice

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I sit by my table while drinking tea. I open up my mail for today and find a letter from Michael to find out that by some miracle from god, that Scarlett is pregnant. Good for them although Scarlett is too old to have children now, it doesn't suit a woman her age. I read through the letter fully and try to think of response but my mind drifts to my young love.

***
I stand with sunny and my mama as we are approached by two young men, Tsarevich Nicholas and Grand Duke George. Nicolas already has his eyes on Alix before needing an introduction. I clinch my glass of water tighter and tighter as I look at George. My twelve year old brain was running wild as he made the crowd of elder women laugh with his boyish charms. I have heard of Grand Duke George but seeing him in person was a whole other story.

I was always quiet and shy so my mama was not surprised with my lack of introduction. Grand Duke George introduced himself and kissed my mothers hand as she smiled at him, "Very nice to meet you indeed, this is my daughter Baroness Alice.". George's eyes shifted to mine as his curiosity and my lack of control met. I was frozen as an icicle, red as a tomato, and about to look like jester. Our gaze on one another was just as intense as the grip on my glass as out of nowhere it breaks, spilling water all over me.

Mother makes a surprised gasp as I stand in shock and more so in embarrassment as everyone rushes to my side to get the glass away from me, blood drips down my hand as the glass cut me. Women flutter their fans in dismay and horror at the sight of blood. The men seek to get me to doctor as quick as possible, instructing me to sit down before I faint. As I am taken away from the scene I look back George, his eyes are already on me, oh great he must think that I am a fool for the rest of his days

***
I hear my door creak open as I snap out of my thoughts. I look up to find Alexander and Victoria standing there together in the doorway. "Don't just stand there" I say. Does the governess not teach them the manners that they need to know? Alexander walks in with Vicky behind him. Alexander is turning 9, while Victoria is turning 6. "Mama we came to see how you were doing" Victoria says in her little cheery voice. "We got our marks up mama" Alexander informs me.

"As they should be all the time" I say looking at him. I look at Victoria, "It is very rude to come into a room without knocking" I say in disappointment. "Remember the words of father Grigori" I tell them sharply. "yes mama" Victoria mutters quietly. "May I go to auntie Scarlett's today?" she asks me. "Did you go for mass today yet?" I question her. "No" she answers. "Then no you may not" I tell her. "But mama we go to church everyday!" alexander dares to say. I stand up out of my chair as I look down at them, "Do you dare talk back to your mother?" I scold.

I see his regret in his eyes as Victoria looks at him. 'Y-yes!" he speaks back to me. "Excuse you" I say lowly. "I am tired of your criticism all the time! I am tired of going to church everyday! I am tired of you not having time!" he shouts at me. I stand enraged at the ungrateful boy before me. I grab his arm, "You ungrateful spoiled little boy! There are children out starving and parentless! And you have the audacity to complain to me?! To complain about the god that gave you this comfortable life?!" I yell at him.

"What's the difference between having no parents and you! You are never there?" He yells back. I drag him to his room. "God will punish the ungrateful, you will not come out of this room until you have thought about your words" I snap as I shut his door and lock it. Victoria looks at me, "Mama can I give you a hug?". I look down at her, "Showing affection is improper, showing any emotion other then smiling is improper Victoria, never ask me again" I snap before walking past her and to my room.

I sit down at the windowsill looking out at the garden. Madeline, the little girl that stopped my carriage those years ago is now my adopted daughter. I pray everyday for my george and my Georgiana. I pray that Georgiana is living somewhere safe with caring parental figures since she can not be with me. Alexander is the most disrespectful and ungrateful child. Why can't he be more like Nicholas? Alexander has everything he desires at his finger tips and still manages to be ungrateful.

I take out a cigarette and light it. I sit smoking near the window. How can my children be so mannerless? How can they be so careless? They have food, a roof over their heads, clean clothes, and education, a family. What more could they possibly want? I sigh as I smoke, it helps me calm down. Maybe if I go to church and pray I will get a clear answer? Sometimes I feel as if the only ones who really understand me are Alix and Father Grigori.

Alix finally had a son. Poor boy has hemophilia as well. I did the work god wanted me to do and introduced her to father Grigori. Alix and I grew closer since we are in similar situations with our sons. Many people in the public dislike father Grigori but they don't understand, they don't understand anything. I pray for them as well.

I hear a knock on my door, I put out the cigarette and shut the window. "Come in" I say. A servant comes in, "Your grace, you have a visitor". Hope rises through me, father Grigori? "Who is it?" I ask him. "Grand Duke Andrei" I hear a difference voice answer as he walks into the room. I slump my shoulders as I realize who it is. "Hello Andrei" I say distastefully. He has been coming by every week, bothering me. He wants to marry me for the money I have but he is playing a fools game. Last week he asked my hand for marriage and said that he would take my answer this week, that was the third time he asked me to marry him.

He is a poor soul as he sleeps around with many women. He is confined to sin and I will pray for him. "Do you have an answer Grand Duchess?" He asks me. "Yes" I say, "My answer is that I am engaged to another" I lie. His eyes widen, "what?"

"I have gotten a proposal from another and I do not appreciate you coming here while I am promised to another" I say. He stands dumbfounded as I turn to Edgar, my footman, "please escort the grand duke back to his carriage" I say as Edgar ushers Andrei out of the room. I smile to myself finally he will stop bothering me. I look out the window and watch Madeline play with Peter in the garden, at least they are having fun.

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