Crisis Of Desire

< XXIX >

Neveah Aurora North:

The room is silent. Nothing makes a fucking sound and it's driving me insane. I wish it would rain right now. At least that way I wouldn't have to sit in total silence. 

'Neveah?' I wait for Celine to enter my room. She has been checking up on me since last night. I glance over at Leya who looks up at me. She's laying with her head on my leg and waits for me to respond. 

Both of them are so comforting, but it's not enough. 

I feel fucking empty. 

'Come in.' Leya whispers oh so softly, but because of the silence, Celine is able to hear her. She slowly enters the room and smiles at me. It's a genuine smile, filled with empathy. 

'How are you holding up?' The question I absolutely hate more than anything else in the world. That and the person who made them fucking crash. 

The tears that I've been holding in for the past two hours, finally escape and I break. I cry and can't handle the fucking pain. They're gone. Tiago's gone... 

'Neveah, they're going to be fine...' Leya repeats, just like she has been doing since last night. 'You don't-'

I'm unable to speak. It just hurts too much. 

This pain is unbearable. It's worse than my family's death. 

'There's no news yet, but that does not mean that they didn't make it.' Celine rushes over to me and takes a seat on my right, wrapping her arms around me just like Leya does. 

'You heard the crash yourself!' I cry, trying to compose myself because none of this is their fault. 'There is a tiny chance that they would survive that and-' 

They don't know what to say and neither do I. We don't have enough information to work with and I think that says enough. 

'But there's still a chance, you can't-' 'Please...' I beg, wanting Celine to stop talking about it. It hurts too much to even think about it. 

Cataleya and Celine stare at each other for a second, before turning back to me. I hate the way they look at me. 

'Get out.' Celine wants to say something, but Leya shakes her head, making her swallow the thing she wanted to say. They head to the door and just as they're about to leave, Celine turns towards me. 'Take the pills, it might help.' 

I let out a little laugh. Tiago might be dead and she wants me to take a goddamn pill? 

As soon as the door closes, I break down again. Tears stream down my face, leaving a stinging feeling as they roll down my cheeks. It feels like my tears are made out of pure acid, burning through my skin as they drop onto the sheets. 

I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down just enough to evaluate the moment. 

I regret sending them away. Now I'm all alone again, in silence. At least with them around I had something to look at. Now I have to look at nothing. At the emptiness that's trying to swallow me. 

The pillow beside me seems like a good place to scream right now. And I do. I scream at the top of my lungs, letting all the pain and anger flow out of me as much as I can. But it's not enough. I'm angry at myself. 

It's not their fault and I lashed out. Whose fault is it? 

The first person coming to mind is him. Tiago himself. 

I blame him. 

I blame him for making me like him again. I blame him for making me want him again. I blame him for everything I'm feeling right now. Because it's all his fault.