Childish

5

Kelsey took my hand in hers and cleaned off the mushed banana I had between my fingers. My breakfast consisted of a banana cut into small pieces and then cut in half, making it easy for me to pick up and eat, and a bottle of formula. It wasn't my ideal breakfast but I didn't get a choice. I wasn't going to push it after nearly getting caught making a phone call either.

I wasn't sure how much she heard or if she heard any of it. I didn't know where the other baby monitor was to know if she heard what I said. But the fear I felt was still very much there.

It was made worse when she didn't acknowledge it. She acted as if nothing was wrong. It was hard for me to relax when I didn't know if she really knew.

So I tried my best to pretend that everything was fine and I wasn't breaking any major rules.

Kelsey lifted me out of the high chair and carried me into the living room. She set me in my playpen. "I need to go clean up in the kitchen. I'll be back in a few minutes."

I crawled to the other side of my playpen and picked up my teddy bear. I set it up straight, staring at it to see if it had some sort of recording device embedded in it. I couldn't trust anyone anymore so it was possible they had done so to keep an eye on me.

I should have been smarter and should have paid attention to signals pointing in that direction. But I was naive. I needed to learn that people weren't always as nice as they seemed. I needed to be hurt in order to see people's true motives.

Kelsey walked back into the room and set off-white pieces of paper on the coffee table. She laid out a handful of crayons beside the paper. I wasn't sure what she was doing until she lifted me out of the playpen.

She set me down on the floor in front of the crayons and paper. "Can you color mommy a pretty picture?"

I looked at the pictures in front of me. I liked coloring to pass the time but it wasn't my favorite thing to do. All the fun stuff I would have been able to do was gone along with my ability to walk. I was a baby, not a toddler anymore.

She pushed my hair behind my ear and lifted the pacifier from where it dangled against my chest and pushed it into my mouth. "I need to do some cleaning but I'll be in and out to check on you, okay, sweetie?"

I nodded and picked up a large pink crayon. I still couldn't hold them properly so I used my fist to get a grip on it. I couldn't act like my old self anymore so I had to color the picture pretty badly, drawing outside of the lines as if they weren't even there. It looked terrible but I had no other option.

Kelsey walked out of the room and I glanced back, making sure she was out of sight before I relaxed. Though I didn't feel like I was fully able to relax. I always felt like someone was watching or listening, especially after finding the baby monitor earlier.

I looked around the room and saw the other half of the baby monitor sitting above the fireplace alongside some decorations that had been put up. It was half-hidden but I noticed it right away. The light was red, not green.

Maybe she hadn't heard any of the conversation I had with Monica after all.