Hateful Desire

Chapter 34

I'm sorry this is short – but I think it's worth it.

The next morning, Draco leaves the Manor. I have noticed him leaving some weekday mornings for a couple hours without saying anything. I assume it has to do with Voldemort because he usually comes back looking defeated.

Later that day I meet Draco in his art room. When I walk in, I see him sitting on one of the couches playing with something in his hand. His dark circles are prominent on his face.

"Morning." I say trying to get his attention.

His eyes meet mine and he puts whatever it was he was playing with into his pocket, "Morning."

I walk over to sit next to him on the seat.

He turns his head to the side to align with me, "This is going to take hard work and patience. Are you ready for that?" He asks.

"Yes."

With that he nods his head and straightens his shirt, "I need you to start with focusing on a certain memory from your past. One that is so strong that you feel it over your entire body."

I take a moment to try and think of something that I wouldn't mind storing away for a period of time. My mind immediately goes to when Cormac forced me into the shower.

"I have one."

"Now close your eyes," I follow his instructions, "I want you to picture each detail of that memory."

With closed eyes, I think of Cormac's loud voice running through my ears. I picture his hands sliding down my wet nude body as tears fall with the water. I think of his fingers lingering longer on some places a little too long.

I hear Draco's voice over the images running through my closed eyes, "I like to think of each detail of a memory as a leaf on an old tree. When I practice, to remove emotion from it, I picture the leaf falling from the branch. Once the leaf hits the ground, it is blocked from your mind. Think of something like that."

"Waves of an ocean." I speak up.

"Right, when the wave hits its body, the memory is dead to you." He affirms me.

I try and think of the first details, when he was mad that I hadn't cleaned myself already. I try and lose the emotion behind when his face turned to anger.

"Lancing, it's very important that you try and close off any feelings you had in that moment." Draco's voice echoes through my ears.

I take a deep breath and try and remove any fear I had in that in that room. I can picture the wave moving up into a large curve. I push my heart and mind to close themselves off from any sort of emotional attachment.

Then the wave crashes, hard. I let out a deep sigh and open my eyes, "I'm not sure it I did it right."

"Do you mind if I check?" he lowers his eyes down to me.

I take a pause out of fear of Draco being able to see such a vulnerable moment. Not only will he see Cormac taking advantage of me, but he will also see my naked body. I know that in a past life he has probably already seen it, but that Olivia is not sitting here right now.

"I'm not sure.." I bite my lip in concern.

"I need to be sure that it is working though. I need to know if this type of training works for you." His voice is gentle.

"Can I tell you to stop if it goes too far?" I want to make sure that he can stop before seeing too many details.

"Yes." With that confirmation I give him a nod in agreement to continue, "Now this is going to hurt for only a little. I do not want to hurt you, but I can't lie."