Teach Me to Please | Please Me #1

THIRTY TWO

❤︎ TRIGGER WARNING : eating disorder
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  My heart was racing. My head was spinning. I could barely see or think straight as I held her hand, the ambulance chasing down the streets to the hospital, paramedics checking her oxygen levels, placing tubes over her mouth.

Was she breathing? I couldn't tell. I didn't remember what I had said to let the paramedics allow me in the ambulance, but here I was. My hands were sweating as I grasped them in my lap, feeling utterly useless, watching those who knew what they were doing work on her.

Once the ambulance parked up, she was pushed out on a hospital bed, people rushing around her, shouting things I couldn't even understand. Medical terms, and I didn't know whether they meant something good or something bad. I chased with them, trying to keep up as they wheeled her down the halls of the hospital, more doctors and nurses joining.

"Si... Sienna?" her voice whimpered, muffled from the tubes. I looked down to find her eyes half open, staring faintly back at me. In instinct, I gripped her pale hand.

"I'm here." I assured. "I'm here." My voice caught in my throat as I looked at her. She looked so small and young, childlike, someone that used to be so bright now dimmed at the heart.

"Tell..." she croaked. "Tell them... I'm sorry..." I noticed how her eyes glassed in the gleaming light, her fingers falling loose around mine. No.

She let go before I could grab back on and was wheeled away into a room I didn't know what would happen to her in. I was left to only wonder, to only imagine how they would fight for her – if they would fight for her. They had to fight for her.

I held my breath and felt a trickle of sweat run down my forehead. It was ironic because I thought I was the one that might die from my heart pounding like crazy against the cage of my chest.

All I had left to do was sit and wait. Sit and think. Sit and worry.

When an hour had passed, I found myself hugging my knees in a waiting room chair, rested my chin on them, thinking too much. Was there anything I could have done to help her? Was there anything I did wrong? Was it my fault?

How could it be your fault?

I didn't know, but I couldn't help but wonder if it was. I did that a lot in situations I had no control in. Continuously sit there, thinking about me as the problem. Not any other thing in the world. Me. And only me.

Did she have family? Were they going to be mad at me? Did they care about her enough? Where the hell were they? Usually in situations like this, family get called and they come running down to help. Yet, I saw no family here.

Not until I heard manic footsteps chasing down the sterile, white flooring and yells being splattered at hospital staff.

"Where is she?!" an urgent voice of a guy called. "Where is she?!" I didn't have to think twice about who he was referring to.

"Sir, if you would just calm down." the voice of a nurse soothed.

"Don't tell me to calm down! Where is my baby sister?!" a tinge of familiarity twitched in my gut as I got off my chair and wandered to where the noise was coming from.

"Sir, please –"

"I swear to fucking god, if you don't tell me where the hell she is –!"

"You need to calm down first." The nurse interjected and I walked around the corner. One word rang in my mind.

Roman.