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~*~*~
"james, what's wrong?"
~*~*~
james fell back onto his bed, narrowly missing lily who jumped out of the way as she sat on her knees on the mattress. lily moved his hair away from his forehead and leaned down and kissed him, absolutely adoring the way it made her feel and wishing she realised james liked her sooner.
james pushed her hair away from her face, running his hand to the back of her neck, deepening the kiss, he broke away from a moment and looked into her green eyes, but it wasn't her green eyes at all. he saw the smiling face of regulus for a moment, accompanied with his hypnotising green eyes. he blinked and then lily was there again.
"you alright?" asked lily, tucking her red hair behind her ear.
"yeah," said james, he propped himself up on his elbows and kissed her again.
lily's hands went to cup his face but they felt different, her hands felt warm but there was little cold parts where her fingers were, like the metal from a ring. lily doesn't wear rings. he broke the kiss and looked at the hand with rings on three of the five fingers and then to the other that had a ring on the index and middle finger, he looked at lily and saw regulus looking at him with a confused expression.
"you alright, jamie?" asked the voice of lily that came through the mouth of regulus.
james' eyes widened and he dropped who's ever hand that was and shuffled away from them. he looked back up and saw lily sitting there, not regulus, looking very concerned and somewhat offended that he'd just dropped her hand and pushed her away, literally.
"erm," stuttered james, not having a clue what else to say, what was there to say? he wasn't aware that his fondness of regulus was this extreme or this consuming or this serious.
"james, what's wrong?" asked lily worriedly to which james just shook his head his though it was nothing but the freaked out, confused expression that hadn't left his face contradicted that.
"nothing, i'm just tried," said james, at that he climbed under his covers, uniform still on, and awkwardly waited for lily to leave.
"okay," said lily, she got up and silently left, wondering what the hell has gotten into her boyfriend these past few days.
james had been acting weird, with lily, with sirius, with everyone. he hadn't stopped thinking about what he was going to tell regulus that day, he assumed that because he hadn't told him, his mind was playing tricks on him as if to remind him that he had to talk to regulus. was that the right decision though? he honestly didn't even really know what he was going to tell regulus, he just started speaking naturally because he felt like he could with regulus, but in hindsight, would regulus listen? or would he just freak out or be offended or tell sirius.
he just wanted to say that he liked spending time with him and wanted to spend more time with him but the more he thought about it, he didn't think he could do that when he had a girlfriend because james wasn't sure if he could keep himself from being just friends with regulus. he didn't know how this happened, but it did. he just felt this connection, this really strong feeling towards regulus and he wasn't sure how or why but he did. it was as simple as that. however, it wasn't simple when putting his feelings into practice, almost impossible actually.
not because regulus happened to be a boy, not because he was scared to be with a boy or tell a boy he liked him. it was impossible because said boy happened to be regulus black, his best friend's brother and someone who wouldn't be interested in a gryffindor bloodtraitor, his family are pretty clear about that. it's one thing having a few conversations here and there but anything more, was just ludicrous.
james pulled out the marauders map from his nightstand and searched for regulus' name. he found it and smiled when he did but that soon dropped back to a frown when summer hanlon appeared right next to regulus. she was another roadblock in all of this, he was in a relationship too, james failed to remember. he clenched his jaw out of impulse, he was tempted to go find them but then he realised they were in the slytherin common room. he put the map on his nightstand, took his glasses off and got comfy under his covers, wanting to fall asleep as quick as possible, wanting to forgot this night.
* * *
regulus had taken lyra out for her to do the toilet and no matter how many times he told her to pee with as much as enthusiasm as he could muster, she just sat on the ground and looked at him and chased dandelion puffs around.
"what're you doing out here?" asked summer as she hugged her jacket closer to her body, "it's bloody freezing."
"i need lyra to go to do her business or she'll do it on my bed," said regulus, "i can't have that again."
"just put her on barty's bed when she's getting ready to piss or shit, c'mon reg, it's cold," shrugged summer as though that solved the problem.
"i can't do that! not because i don't want to, it would be hilarious but he's the type to kill her," said regulus, "and then i'd have to kill him, it'll be a whole killing mess thing."
"okay then," said summer with a laugh, she slipped her jacket off and wrapped around regulus' shoulders, she hugged him from behind and gave him a good squeeze, trying to warm him up.
"are you giving me your jacket?" asked regulus with a grin as he craned his neck to look at summer who had her chin on his shoulder.
"i'm so romantic, i know," said summer, kissing his cheek, "i'll see you at dinner."
regulus put his arms through the sleeves of her jacket and zipped it up and then crouched down next to lyra and gestured for her to go onto the grass, to which she just blinked at.
"go to the toilet," said regulus, picking her up gently and putting her on the grass, "how do i toilet train a cat?"
regulus sighed and sat down on the ground as he watched lyra jumping about the grass, chasing any bugs she found down there. as regulus sat with summer's jacket on him, he thought a lot about her. he hadn't fell in love with her romantically yet, he loved her platonically but he hadn't gotten past that, just like he had suspected would happen. but, he didn't want to tell her because then she wouldn't want to be friends and then he really would be all alone. no brother, no friends, no nothing. he thought he could handle being alone and he wasn't really scared of it, but he liked summer and he didn't want to voluntarily let her go.
he could handle being alone, sure, but he hated being lonely, there was a major difference between the two.
to add to his nightmarish predicaments, sometimes when he looked into summer's brown eyes, he seen them as james' and they turned into a lighter hazel for a split second before they snapped back to summer's darker brown eyes.
- - -
a/n
i like the eyes parallel between the confused af couples very much <3
