Worse for Better- Book #1 in the WF Series

Chapter 59: Better

♡  Alaiya's POV:  ♡

7 Year Later: 

"Roman," I breathe out as he takes all my oxygen away from me.

"Mhmm?" he hums with a smile as he continues to put his tongue down my throat.

My legs are over his as we're laying while facing each other, and he's really making the 'We're just going to sleep tonight' thing hard.

His lips travel down towards my neck and then more downwards to my stomach after he pulls up my shirt. I push my head further back against my pillow as he removes my hand from covering it which I still have a habit of doing. He begins to kiss me everywhere, especially at my waist which only makes my butterflies implode.

After being pregnant, the stretch marks that came along after were absolutely horrible. I was depressed for what felt like years and I hated myself because of it so much that I can't even put it into words. No matter how many times Roman would tell me I still looked beautiful or would lie next to me while I was crying myself to sleep to try and tell me that all the things I was thinking weren't true, it still hurt like crap. Being pregnant also made my panic attacks skyrocket, making it feel like I couldn't go a day without shaking over something as dumb as a glass breaking. One thing I've learned is that sometimes, time does help. Even though I'm thirty-one now, I still haven't completely recovered from it but I'm better.

The one thing I'm the most thankful for is that Roman, even though I wasn't believing anything he was saying, was there beside me, especially when I thought about getting back on my pills. Of course I had a temptation, and my therapist said I would, but that didn't mean it just went away because I had the warning. I would go near the store and go away. The next week I would do the same and enter, but then go away again. I didn't tell my therapist, and definitely not Roman because I know how much he cares about making sure I'm full all the time.

The first question or statement out of his mouth whenever I look as if I'm having the slightest inconvenience is "Are you hungry?" or "Let's eat.".

One night while we were watching a movie in each other's arms and the kids had fallen asleep, the guilt for keeping my struggle of continuing to go to that store from Roman went through the roof out of nowhere. I was falling apart while watching freaking Home Alone!

I used to lie a lot about what I was doing and what I was going through years ago, and still sometimes to this day, but the realization about how lying about that stuff got me into that position I was in hit me like a ton of bricks and I couldn't keep it in any longer.

I told him about how I was more and more tempted every day because of how ugly I felt, and Roman being the amazing husband he is, comforted me the entire time. He didn't tell me that what I was thinking was what a stupid or mentally unstable person would think. Although, he did say that anyone would have to be dumb as heck to even think I'm remotely even in the group of pretty since he believes that's too small of a word for me. He didn't even use the word ugly that I used because he thought that word to describe me was just not even in the range of anyone's vocabulary who has seen me, especially him.

But just because I opened up to him, didn't mean that the urge went away. I had to believe that the words he was saying were true to actually make the feeling disappear, and I'm still trying today. It got better every day, and I began to be able to look at myself in the mirror without feeling sick. I also began to like myself at the very least, and I could have sex with Roman without thinking that maybe he wouldn't like me because I didn't look or feel the same anymore.

I hiss as Roman's tongue goes far too down to the waist of my shorts, making my heart quicken at irregular paces. My fingers tug at his still luscious hair, and he pulls back as the feeling for his lips on mine grows into desperation in my body, though I think he can sense it by the way he returned to my mouth instantly with a smirk. His lips take my mouth whole, and I don't think I've ever been more relieved the minute I let out a quiet moan.