Loving the Fighter

81

Jax's POV

The familiar feeling of soreness was the first thing I felt when I woke the next morning. Normally it wasn't this bad but I've been out of practice for months now.

I push through it though to keep the others from getting suspicious as we head down to breakfast.

Ryder was still happy from yesterday. All he could talk about was what he was going to do today. What new thing he was going to play with, what movie he was going to watch in the back ground, what new shirt he was going to wear on Monday when we went back to school.

I couldn't help but smile as I watched him.

Liam and Callum seemed to be just as tired as I was but I tried to hide it better than they were so Ryder wouldn't feel bad for boring us to sleep.

I stare down at my food for a second. My body goes to reject it when last night played over again in my head.

'You did good tonight,' that guard said. I won all the fights I was in. I did good.

I couldn't help but smile a bit as I ate. For the first time since I got here I didn't have to feel guilty about it. For the first time since I got here, I had earned it.

Sure, I may be sore, and tired, and physically ready to die, but I felt normal again. After months of just trying to keep my head above water here, I finally felt whole again.

The day went by quickly to say the least.

After breakfast we headed back to the cabin. Ryder popped in the new movie and I actually watched it without being forced to. After that I took out the real sketchbook that Callum had bought for me while they were out yesterday. Liam read a new book he had gotten while Callum seemed content with just watching us.

For once in a long time I actually paid attention to what I was drawing and I actually recognize that I drew it when I was done with it.

Before I left for my session I gave the paper to Liam and left the cabin without a word but spared him a wink before shutting the door behind me.

Now I sat here in Andrew's office while he watched me skeptically.

"You seem different today," he noted with his hands folded on the desk.

"I slept good last night," I lie with a shrug.

"I'm proud of you," he said after a while, making me frown a bit. "You've been doing so well lately. You haven't slipped in weeks, you've stayed out of fights, it looks like you are sleeping better, and the anxiety seems to be calming down. It's only been 2 months since you started taking this seriously and look how good you're doing."

He wore a proud smile but it only made me feel worse considering I slipped several times last night, when I was beating up people, before I got approximately five hours of sleep.

The only thing he got right was that the anxiety was calming down, and the only reason it has is because of that stupid toy he gave me.

I only smile back at him as he begins to actually start our session for the day.

"What was your dad like before you started fighting?" He asked gently making me scoff a bit.

"He was the best dad ever," I say honestly, making Andrew's eyes go wide for a second. "We used to have movie nights every weekend, he used to drop me off at school every day, he even coached my little league team."

Andrew stared at me for second, almost as if he was trying to figure out if I was telling the truth or not.

"Did that change after your mom left?" He asked but I'm already shaking my head.

"I think he was actually better after she left. He didn't yell nearly as much after that and he didn't look as tired."

"When did he change then?"

"When I got into my first fight at school. Even then he didn't change much. He just had to become more of the 'tough' parent I guess. Then I got into another fight, then another, and another. He changed a little more every time until I pushed it too far."

"How did you push it?" He asked with a worried look on his face.

"I got into a fight with the principal's kid. When we got home, he lectured me about how bad of a kid I was being lately. Then I said something along the lines of 'well maybe if he was a better parent who knew how to raise a kid, this wouldn't be happening'. Yea, that's apparently not something you should say to someone.

"He sent me up to my room for a while. I thought he was just sending me to bed without dinner but he came up a few hours later with his coat and told me to get in the car. I don't know how he found it, but he took me to a fight that was meant for 11 and 13 year olds. I was only ten but the bouncer didn't really care. I think it was just meant to scare me but after I won the fight I was scheduled for, my dad took me home and sent me back up to my room."

"I thought you started fighting at 11?" He asked as he wrote a few things down.

"Technically I did," I say with shrug. "My first debut fight was when I was 11, a few months later. We used a fake name and shit the first time so none of them could track us down later."

"Was there an immediate change in your father or did it happen over time after that?"

"Over time I guess. I mean he was still changing when I was brought here. He changed faster at the beginning though."

Andrew only hummed as he wrote a few more things down.

"Could you ever forgive him," he asked after a few minutes, making me glare at him.

"Could I ever forgive the man who forced me to fight for money and used to hit and scream at me if I lost? No, I don't think I ever could."

"Could you forgive your mother?"

I thought about her for a while. I never really thought of her as anything other than a distant family member. I never really cared about her and she never really cared about me.

"Why does she mater," I asked after a few minutes, the coldness gone from my words again.

"Maybe she was part of the reason all this happened. Maybe if she had stayed, your dad wouldn't have done any of this. Can you forgive her for possibly starting all of this?"

"She didn't do this," I said after a while. "I did this. I can't blame her something I did."

Andrew looked like he was about to say something about that but only writes it down for later.

"Then can you forgive her for leaving? She left you with him. Abandoned you like you were nothing."

"I don't blame her. You think I wouldn't have left if I could have?"

"Then why didn't you leave? I've seen you fight and I've seen pictures of your dad. You could have taken him out easily. Why didn't you?"

I stay silent for a while as I stared down at the ground. Andrew looks as if he is giving me time to come up with an answer but I'm just stalling until my hour is up.

Just as he is about ask something else I stood up from the chair.

"My hour is up," I announced as I left the room without another word.

Last updated April 23, 2021