Our journey || Tom Holland

76. angry

Y/Ns Pov.:

"Come on darling. You didn't talked to me the hole ride." he said and closed the door of my house. After the dinner was finished, Tom drove me home. But i was still angry at him that he talked about that with my parents behind my back. So i just went quiet.

"Oh really ? Didn't realised that." i said sarcastically and put my things on the kitchen table. He came in soon after me.

"What is with you ? Everything was fine at the end of the dinner." he said. Tom didn't spoke in a angry tone. More like in a confused and sad tone because he doesn't knew what was the problem or what he had done wrong.

"Absolutely right. At the end." i said and opened the fridge to get some water.

"Are you angry at me ?" he asked.

"No- Yes, actually i am." i turned around to look at him. He had a sad expression on his face. I really just wanted to go to him and hug him but i also didn't wanted.

"But why ? Everything was fine before we went home." he said confused.

"Why ? You just talked to my parents behind my back." i said in a louder and angry tone.

"That's normal, love. I think it's good if i can talk to your parents." he said confused.

"But not about Ralf !" i slights screamed.

"Y/N-"

"No. You can't just talk about him behind my back. And you can't just tell them that i need to talk to him." i screamed.

"I didn't told them anything except of my thoughts. They have their own opinion that is also mine." he said.

"Don't do that ever again. It's my decision to make." i screamed.

"We love you. And we just want you to be happy." he screamed also now.

"I am happy." i screamed back.

"No you're not. We all know that he is in your head all the time. And we want it to stop." he screamed.

"Maybe i don't want it to stop." i screamed.

"Don't lie to yourself." he screamed back.

"I don't lie. I'm not the one that talked about my personal life with my family behind my back." i screamed.

"I am your boyfriend ! And i love you ! I don't see what the problem is !?" he screamed at the top of his lungs.

"You will never understand if. You weren't in the situation !" i screamed louder. My poor neighbours.

"Than explain me what your fucking problem is to talk to him. You can leave him after that ! Get that in your head !" he screamed back.

"I DONT WANT HIM TO HURT ME AGAIN !" i screamed as loud as i could with tears running down my eyes. He was quiet. Not like he didn't heard me saying it before. But he didn't knew that it burdened me that bad. He just stood there shocked.

"I, I can't-" i stoped screaming and begann to say it more quiet but with many tears running down my cheeks. "When i talk to him, then i will let him in my life again. And i can't do that. It was hard enough to let him out of my life when i didn't knew him. But now i do and it makes everything harder. I- I can't do this. I just can't go through this alone." i looked down at my hands and cried.

Tom stood at first shocked at my words. But then he walked fast over to me and pulled my in his chest. It made me cry harder and my grip on his shirt tightened more when i cried more.

"You won't do it alone, love. I'm by your side, your parents, Josh and Luna. We all be by your side all the time if you want." he said and rubbed my back.

"But you don't know how it feels like." i said.

"Than tell me. Every single feeling." he said. I pulled away and looked up at him. He had also,left some tears.

"It's exhausting. I always think about him or in a kind of way of him. I'm angry because he left me but especially my mom because of me. I'm sad because he didn't wanted me and that the reason why he left my mom. I feel like every time when someone talked about Ralf, than it hurts my dad. That he thinks that i will leave him and go to Ralf. That Josh will think that i will leave this family because of him. Or that he will hurt me again. Every single word he will say to me, will hurt me. Maybe i will get my answers but that will also means that i will know the hole truth and can't imagine good things anymore. And the worst thing is- No." i said and looked down again.

He put his finger under my chin and brought my head up to look at him. "What is the worst thing darling ?" he asked softly.

I looked at him before i answered. "It's not like i never wanted a boyfriend. But since he left me before even known me, i- i thought no one would want me if they would knew me. So i stayed away from people as much as i could. And then no one wanted to have anything to do with me anymore. All this confidence that you guys gave me, is to 80% just acting. So that i don't disappoint you and that i can work with people normally. He just fucked my mind completely. I even think that some times with you. And i feel so bad for that. You are the most perfect human or boyfriend in this world and i still think some times that you will leave me one day. Just because of him." i looked down at shame.

"I don't want to sit alone in front of him and let him fuck my mind again." i looked up again and saw his with tears filled eyes. "Because if he would, than i would destroy this relationship completely. And i don't want that. Never. "

His eyes left some tears and he whipped mine away. "You are the strongest person that i ever met. That you open up, is the best thing you ever did. But honey, you can never destroy this relationship. Never. And you also never need to fake who you are. We knew you before you were that famous or confident and we also liked you. And Haz liked you the most. We want you to be the person who you are. And he did fucked your mind, but did fuck you. And i will fuck you as much as i can if it gets in your head and his actions out." he said and i slapped his chest.

"Tom !" i said and laughed.

"I love your laugh. But you don't need to go there alone. I can sit next to you and hold you hand. If you feel uncomfortable that you will show me it and when you can't than i will stope everything and we will go. You just need to talk to him to let a little bit go of him. I love you and i won't push you to anything. I know i said that before and now i said it again. But i will push you to talk to him if you won't do it on your own. Because i can't see you suffer from it anymore." he said.

His words and actions let me cry more. "I hate you." and hugged him.

"I know. I love you too." he said.

"Please don't leave my hand tomorrow." i mumbled in his chest.

"I won't. I promise." he said.

I pulled back to look at him. "You are perfect."

"So are you." he said and kissed me. "Let's go to bed."

"You staying here for the night, right ?" i asked.

"If you want me to ?" i nodded. "That if course."

"Perfect."