Fighting For What's Missing

29.

"Hey." Gloria's voice is soft and gentle as she sits down and joins me on the steps. I heard the front door open but I didn't hear her footsteps. I take another drag from my cigarette, barely nodding at her. "Can we talk?"

"Yeah." I put out my cigarette on the side of my boot then give her my full and undivided attention.

"What are you doing here?"

I look at her confused. "Agnes...?"

"No, you're sitting here smoking through a pack of cigarettes when you know you should be up there with Agnes. She sleeps better with you there."

I shake my head. "I need to get my head together. Agnes is gonna have depression for the rest of her life and there's nothing I can do about it. No matter how hard I try, I can't do anything for you."

"Will, calm down," she reaches across and places her hand on my chest, over my heart. "Your heart is racing." I didn't notice until she said something, but I'm struggling to breathe. I'm starting to panic. "Will!" Gloria peers into my eyes for a moment before slamming her lips on mine.

I'm so thrown off, I'm frozen for a second, then cup her face and kiss her back. But she pulls away and brings the tips of her fingers to her bottom lip. She looks surprised like she didn't know it was me who she was kissing.

"No," I throw my head into my hands. "What the fuck just happened?" My entire body is still shaking. My chest and stomach are in painful knots. I need a fucking drink.

Gloria sighs. "I'm sorry, but you were on the blink of a panic attack and I didn't know what else to do."

"So you kissed me?" I snap. Why am I getting angry? Maybe it's because I like Gloria and so does Agnes, but she rejected me. "Sorry," I mutter.

"I didn't mean to be so confusing, Will, but it's clear to me now that we will never work."

Straightening my back, I drop my hands to my lap and look at her. "Because of Agnes?"

"I'm not sure, but I know I can't follow you to Portland or ask you to stay here when Agnes is your only true focus. And..." she presses her hands together then shoves them between her thighs; a weird habit girls have. "I hate myself for saying this, but Agnes is..."

"What?" I growl.

Gloria bows her head. "I get the sense that Agnes is the only child you will be raising. I don't want that. I want a baby."

I feel my body relax. "Agnes is too old."

She nods, her head still bowed. "I'm sorry."

What the hell do I say to her? I can't be mad at her, she knows what she wants and she's not going to let anyone change that. I respect that. And it's not like she lead me on or got too close Agnes. She may have kissed me, but there was no meaning to it. She was only helping. Still not knowing what to say to her, I move closer and wrap my arm around her.

I feel...awkward. So I move away. "Thank you for telling us now."

Agnes

My mind is awake before my body. I hate when that happens. But eventually, I do wake up. I sit up to find William sleeping on the floor right beside the bed. He has one hand place on his stomach and the other behind his head. I'm not sure about him, but that seems like an odd position to sleep in. I move a lot when I see. "William?" I peer down at him.

His eyes open and instantly lock with mine. "Yeah?"

"Why are you still sleeping on the floor?"

He inhales sharply as he sits up. "Agnes...some people think it's...strange."

"How is it strange?" I ask, and he winces then rubs his temples with his fingers. "Do you have a headache?"

"No."

I wait for him to continue, but he doesn't. "William?"

"Yes?"

"I need to take my medicine or I'm going to be up all night."

"Yeah, I saw that one coming." He jumps to his feet. I anxiously pick at my fingernails, focusing on his footsteps cross the room, then the drawer opens. A pill bottle shakes and a water bottle is grabbed. "Can you even take pills?" William asks with a little ache to his voice. I nod and take the water bottle from his hold. "How many do you take?"

"One."

He mumbles something under his breath as he opens the bottle and drops a pill in my hand. I quickly swallow the pill before it has the chance to dissolve in my mouth. I hate it when that happens, it tastes nasty.

"Thank you," I hand him the water bottle. I crawl back under the covers as William returns everything to the dresser. When he walks back over, I grab his wrist before he sat the floor. "Can you sleep with me?"

He takes a deep breath. "Okay...move over." I scoot over to the edge of the bed. "Not that far, kid." He lies down on his back with his arm extended out, and I rest my head where his arm meets his chest, lying on my back too. "Agnes?" He whispers.

"Yeah?" I whisper back.

"It's not going to work...Gloria and me, I mean, we're not going to work. Sorry if I worried you for a second."

He did, but that's alright. I peer up at him. "Are you okay? You like her, right?"

He smiles. "I'm fine, darling. Don't worry about me." I press my lips together and stare at him with my evil look. He knows I worry about him. I always will. "Right, I'm sorry. I forgot," he chuckles then kisses my forehead.

"I love you, and I'm allowed to worry about you. The same way you're allowed to worry about me."

"Agnes, you're a kid, the only thing you should be...it doesn't matter. I love you too, baby girl."