The Soldier's Girl

The Funeral

Steve and I had arrived in London last night for Peggy's funeral. She wanted it in her childhood city, where she grew up.

I couldn't appreciate my surroundings as every time I thought of the beautiful girl I got to call my best friend, my heart feels like it's breaking. I felt like I did back when Steve went in the ice. Nobody's death had effected me this much.

I had come to terms with death, as bad as it sounds. We all have to die at some point, I knew that. But Peggy and I had been through so much.

Almost as much as Steve and I.

We fought for our place in the 1940's when men dominated our field of work. We proved to young woman all over the world that we mattered and could make just as much of a difference if not more than men.

We had come so far all throughout the years to present day. Peggy was by my side and supporting me with every choice and decision I made. She believed in me and trusted me with her life.

I blinked back my tears and shook my head desperately wanting to get rid of these thoughts. I know Peggy wouldn't want me to mourn her, instead rejoice the memories we had and there were loads.

However, I couldn't help but just feel utterly heartbroken as I smoothed out my black knee length dress in front of the mirror in my hotel room.

I sniffed and waved my hands over my eyes to not ruin my suitable makeup I had on. My hair was pinned up to frame my face but my red eyes were now prominent.

I sighed and fiddled with my rings while straightening out my outfit as a figure walks up to me in my reflection.

I look down sadly as Steve wraps his arms around me from behind.
"I don't know if I can do this Stevie." I tell him honestly.
"I know baby. But we'll do this together. She would want you there. I'll be right by your side though out all of it." Steve told me, as he gently spun me around in his arms.

I rested my hands on his chest and leaned into his embrace lovingly.
"I love you."
"I love you too." He replied, kissing my head softly.

We walked hand in hand to the church.
I had to say a brief goodbye to Steve as he would be carrying Peggy's coffin.

I took a deep breath as I entered the chapel. I felt everyone's eyes on me as I walked down the aisle and took my place at the front with Sam, who had travelled with us for moral support which I was very thankful for.

He wrapped an arm around my waist comfortingly and kissed my cheek. I offered him a small smile and waited for the ceremony to begin.

When it did, I didn't turn round to see Peggy's coffin. It wasn't out of disrespect, I just couldn't force myself to see the image of Steve crying while lifting Peggy's coffin to the front. It would make me break down again and I had to get through this service. I was meant to be giving a speech. I don't know how I was going to do it.

At the altar, I finally look up when Peggy's coffin is placed safety at the front. I take Steve's hand in mine and rub it soothingly as he stands next to me.

We watch as candles burn by a framed photograph of Peggy Carter in her military uniform. The label reads "Margaret 'Peggy' Carter". It made me smile knowing that was her proudest moment and achievement.
The priest soon addresses us and starts the ceremony.

I honestly drowned it all out.
I hadn't been to a funeral since my father's. That was...too long ago. But I remember it like the back of my hand. I knew what happened at a funeral.

I just went over all my happy memories with Peggy. When we would go on missions together, when we would annoy Howard in his lab, when we went out dancing by ourselves and outraging all the middle aged men as we drunk a whole bottle of wine to ourselves. How sometimes...I mean most nights we would stay in each other's rooms till early hours of the morning just talking and laughing our heads off till streams of tears would run down our faces and our stomachs would cramp.

I smile and finally zone back in when the priest asks the first person to step up and say some words.
"And now, I would like to invite Sharon Carter to come up and say a few words."

I was shocked when I saw Agent 13 step up. It was Sharon from last year who pretended to be our neighbour.

All this time she was Peggy's niece.
I blushed in embarrassment but when she met my gaze she smiled at me, making me return it.

I nudge Steve, as he doesn't seem to notice. When he looks up to see Sharon, who glances at him, he too is shocked and we watch carefully as she takes a breath.
"Margaret Carter was known to most as a founder of SHIELD . . . but I just knew her as Aunt Peggy. She had a photograph in her office. Aunt Peggy standing next to Allison Smith who is now formally known as Allison Rogers and JFK. As a kid, that was pretty cool. But it was a lot to live up to. Which is why I never told anyone we were related."

She looks directly at Steve and I with a pointed look and we nod discreetly at her saying we understood.
"I asked her once how she managed to master diplomacy and espionage in a time when no one wanted to see a woman succeed at either. And she said, compromise where you can. But where you can't, don't. Even if everyone is telling you that something wrong is something right. Even if the whole world is telling you to move . . . it is your duty to plant yourself like a tree, look them in they eye and say " No, you move.""

I smiled fondly knowing she had also told me the exact same thing, years ago when I was battling with some of the most prestigious government officials and felt like giving up. It also made me think about the situation we were currently in. I still didn't know where my head was at. I had to make my decision today before Nat was in Vienna.

After that Sharon left the podium and I was called up. I took a deep breath and spoke up.
"May I just first start off by saying Margret Carter was an incredible woman. I first met her in 1945 when I was working in science and for what I believed in. Even back then I felt like giving up, thinking what was the point? Was I making a difference? Then Peggy came in, snapped me into shape and showed me exactly what a difference I could make in this world. I looked up to Peggy. She was everything I ever wanted to be and more. I still pray every night that I can be at least half of what she was. She taught me confidence, respect and above all to love myself because as she told me, no one can do that for you. We were all each other had at one point. Until I practically forced her out onto the dance floor where she met her amazing husband. I got to watch them grow, have a family and it was the most amazing thing. Peggy was a very powerful woman with an incredible mind and passion for determination. She believed in a better world and I stand here today and proudly say that I will honour that for her till the day I too pass. Above all Peggy loved her family. She was my sister, my best friend. I'll miss her but I know she'll always be here...for all of us."

When I was finished the room was deathly silent but Sam had a proud look on his face making me smile. I returned to my seat and Steve kissed me making me shocked but when he pulled away he looked at me with adoration. I smiled and took his hand in mine as we listened to the rest of the ceremony.

After it had finished I walked outside with Sam. I needed fresh air while Steve needed a moment to himself. Sam and I were enjoying the peace when I saw Nat walking up to us.

"Hey." I greet.
"Hey. How are you?" She asked pulling me into a hug.
"I'm ok. Doing better." I say as I pull away. It was true, I was already coming to terms with Peggy's death. Knowing she went peacefully and with a heart full of love. That was more than enough to help me sleep at night.

"Good." Nat said simply.
I sigh and meet her worried gaze.
"You know why I'm here. I'm sorry it had to be today." She started.
"I know." I sighed again.

"I-I can't Nat." I told her truthfully.
"I can't do it. Not when I've fought this hard. I can't let another person rule over me and use me as their puppet. We've fought too hard and too long to let that happen. I can't take ten steps backwards when I've already taken twenty forward."

"I know. I know." She spoke softly pulling me into another hug.
"What are you going to do?" She asks once we pull away again.
"I...don't know. Buy a house. Get a dog..." I slowly say.

"Start a family?" Nat suggests smugly.
"Maybe." I chuckle.
"I love you, you know that right? I'll always be here." She tells me sincerely kissing my cheek.
"I know and I'll be there for you." I tell her.

She nods and looks over to Sam. He gives her a simple look which she understands. Sam wasn't signing it.

"He's in the church. Go talk to him." I tell her. She nods and smiles at the two of us before walking off again.