youth, aaron taylor johnson

xxii. imessage

one new message from lizzie!
✧∘ଂ ࿐

lizzie
so are going to tell me
what happened between
you and mars or am i just
gonna have to take it that
you're hiding a relationship
from the rest of us and are
incredibly awkward about it

aaron
no, not at all

aaron
pretty much the
exact opposite,
actually

aaron
is it that obvious?

lizzie
it's pretty obvious
something happened

lizzie
do you want to tell
me what it was?

aaron
you should've come
a day before

lizzie
yeah i figured
that one out
pretty quickly

aaron
what

lizzie
well mars looked
like she was about to
break down into tears
when she picked me up

lizzie
which was drastically
different from how happy
she was earlier that day

lizzie
so two plus two
equals four you know

aaron
fuck my life

aaron
so she was
lying to me

lizzie
did you sleep
with her?

aaron
god, no

aaron
i just kissed her

lizzie
why is she
lying to you?

aaron
she kept saying it was fine,
that it was nothing, it was
just a drunk mistake etc.
and that she was okay

lizzie
are you actually that
blind to believe that

aaron
no. again, the exact
opposite actually

aaron
i'm overthinking
everything

aaron
i feel awful. i feel like
i manipulated her or
something, like history
is repeating itself and
i'm going to hurt her the
way that i was hurt

lizzie
did you tell
her that

aaron
yeah

aaron
i feel guilty

aaron
she's young, and
i don't want there
to be this weird
power imbalance

lizzie
there literally isn't

lizzie
she's 100ox times
cooler than you and
everyone knows it

lizzie
no offense but she's
definitely a lot more
independent and grown
up than you give her
credit for

lizzie
and if you told her that,
no wonder she kept telling
you everything was fine and
that she wasn't affected by it

lizzie
she doesn't want you thinking
like that — she knows you better
than it. and she doesn't feel that
way, she doesn't feel used.

lizzie
she's upset because she's probably
finally let herself realize she's got
feelings for you after you kissed her
and doesn't know how to process
that, especially because you've made
it clear you don't want that
relationship with her

lizzie
but obviously trying to make
sure you don't spiral back into
a depressive episode where
you think you're a monster is
a bit higher on the priority list,
because she cares about you

aaron
it's not that i don't
want to be with her

lizzie
so you love her then?

aaron
i don't know
what i feel liz

aaron
i just know that
i don't want to lose
her, and i definitely will
if i try to be with her

aaron
because i don't know
if you can tell or not but
i'm hardly the arbiter
of healthy relationships

lizzie
oh? no way

aaron
not helping

lizzie
okay so if you still think
being in denial of your
actual feelings is what you
need to do right now to
ease the tension, do that

aaron
easier said
than done

lizzie
she clearly doesn't
want to talk about it
right now, does she?

aaron
yeah no

lizzie
so don't. try not to be
so damn awkward

lizzie
actually try to pretend
it didn't happen, hopefully
time will defuse things

lizzie
and in the meantime,
i'll be a bit of a buffer
for the next few weeks

aaron
do you think that'll
actually work it?

lizzie
it has to, you
don't really have
another choice

✧∘ଂ ࿐

authors note!
i usually update at
night bc that's when
y'all seem to be most
active but twitter is
freaking out and aaron
is trending so, surprise
midday update i've been
hoarding for four days!