The Mimic

16

Y/n didn't notice the chaos she'd accidentally caused, more focused on finally getting her point across to Bucky. She knew he had a valid reason to be angry at her, but not even accepting an apology and acting as if she wasn't there hurt. She'd been a shadow for her whole life, being ignored just reminded her of that. "I'm sorry, okay?" Y/n started, taking a slight breath in attempt to calm down a little. As soon as she heard the words leave her mouth, she knew it didn't sound genuine - and as much as she was frustrated at Bucky, if y/n wanted him to believe her, she'd have to change her tone. So she did. "I'm sorry for looking in your notebook. I know it's personal to you, and I'm not sure why I even picked it up." She sighed, watching Bucky carefully. "I just thought that maybe it could help me remember. Everything is just so fuzzy, I just want to piece it together."

Bucky watched y/n with careful eyes, mostly focusing on the plates and glasses flying around behind her. He just hoped they wouldn't smash - that would definitely alert the team if they hadn't already been alerted by y/n's shouting. He nodded slowly as he listened to what she had to say, still keeping a tight hold on the notebook in his pocket. "Everything is fuzzy for me too, y/n." Bucky sighed, leaning against the counter. "But that doesn't mean I'll read through someone else's things." Bucky could feel himself getting angry as the feelings him finding y/n reading the notebook where brought up again. "That notebook is everything to me, y/n. Everything." He murmured, averting his gaze from y/n. "Those memories are mine. Nobody else needs to know about them unless I share them. We've both been kept from our own minds for so long, I thought you'd understand the value of finally having something to keep for yourself." He scolded in a frustrated but sad tone. Making his was toward the levitating plates and glasses so he could put them back in the cupboards before anything smashed. 

Y/n's face seemed to fall as she listened to Bucky, guilt washing over her once again. He was right. "I'm sorry." She whispered, sounding far more genuine this time. Y/n completely invaded his privacy for her own benefit, there was no way of justifying that other than apologising. 

Tense silence seemed to engulf the room as Bucky cleared everything back up, putting plates and glasses back in their respective places and shutting cupboards. Bucky sighed quietly, glancing over at y/n for a brief moment before he made his way toward the door. He knew she meant that final 'sorry', and he was satisfied with that for now.  Bucky slowly reached out a hand to push the kitchen door open, half-expecting that y/n's powers were still holding it shut. But, the door swung open with ease. Bucky hesitated a little, glancing back at y/n before beginning to finally make his way out of the kitchen.

"I remember that little girl."

Bucky froze as he heard y/n. Slowly turning back around to face her. Y/n boosted herself up to sit on the counter, her eyes trained on the cold kitchen tile. "I remember that mission far too well." She murmured sadly. Bucky frowned, strolling back in to the kitchen and leaning against the counter opposite y/n. As much as he hated his nightmares, he had forgotten how him and y/n went through the same thing for most missions. That mission was something they could never forget. "They told us there was nobody else in the apartment. But there she was." Bucky sighed, rubbing his eyes as if it could wipe the memory of him raising his gun at the girl. Y/n glanced up at Bucky with broken eyes, seeming to have come to a realisation of sorts. "What if they were testing us? They knew we'd hesitate, and that's why after that the 'procedures' became worse." Y/n suggested, putting 'procedures' in air quotes because they both knew it was torture, but neither wanted to say that out loud. Bucky met y/n's eyes after hearing the suggestion. It made sense. That poor girl was just another stepping stone in them being made in to killing machines...

Bucky wasn't sure how to respond, his breath quickening a little at the realisation. Hydra knew exactly what they were doing the whole time. Their victims were simply stepping stones to something deeper. 'No witnesses' just taught them the consequences of getting caught. It taught them that if they got caught they'd have to kill innocent people. Bucky shook his head slightly in attempt to stop himself from spiralling, pushing himself up from where he was leant against the counter. "I... I need some air." He rushed out, making his way out of the kitchen as fast as he could without running. So many lives taken by his hands, so many innocent people...

Bucky ended up finding himself on the roof of the compound, it always seemed to be the best place to think and have time to yourself. The cool night air greatly helped stop him from spiralling, taking deep breaths in and out. Hydra used his trauma to make him in to even more of a killing machine. They used both of them. Bucky lay down on his back, just staring up at the stars in attempt to distract himself from it all. He hadn't even noticed that y/n had lay down beside him. Not too close, but close enough to know she was there. The realisation was overwhelming for y/n too, but looking at the stars always seemed to help. It was the only thing she used to cope when she was in the cells at Hydra. There was always a window, teasing the outside for her. But the stars were always there. 

"I like to join them up and see what shapes I can make. Like one big game of connect the dots..." She murmured in a shaky tone, obviously trying to distract herself and Bucky from the horrible realisation they'd made. Bucky glanced over at y/n with sad, but grateful eyes. Grateful that she made an effort to help him calm down too. They'd been through so, so much together. Yet one always strived to help the other, even if they were struggling themselves. "Look, there's a shape of a cat." Y/n smiled, pointing up to a general outline of stars. Bucky glanced up at the sky, shaking his head a little as he squinted to try and see the outline. "No... That's an outline of a chair. Look." Bucky chuckled, pointing up toward the sky just like y/n did. Y/n looked over at Bucky with puzzled eyes. "A chair? I think you need glasses." She teased with a grin. 

The pair lay there for hours, just stargazing and enjoying the peace. Happy to forget about their minds for just a short while. It was sweet, just enjoying one another's company. Y/n had the stars, and Bucky had y/n.