vinnie came home late and unlike himself. he told me he had a headache and just wanted to go to bed after his shower. i got him some medicine and water. he thanked me with a kiss on the forehead.
i could tell something was really upsetting him. i wanted to help him. he never let me in his mind. he never let me help him in that way. he always felt like some sort of burden.
he went into the bathroom and i watched from our bedroom as he leaned over the sink and looked up at his reflection. he was battling something internally and i didn't want him to suffer alone like usual. i walked into the bathroom and hugged him from behind.
i looked at the reflection of us in the glass. i smiled a small and warm smile. the side of his mouth upturned as he stared at me. i scratched his hair a bit and moved the hair off his forehead, holding it. i kissed his skin. he closed his eyes and sighed.
"tell me what's wrong my love.."
he opened his eyes at the sound of my sweet toned voice. he just shook his head. "it's nothing sweetheart.." i stared. "i know you're lying to me.." his mouth upturned again. he kissed my cheek quickly and got out of my grasp to begin undressing. he removed his shirt and i stood behind him. i drug my hand down his bare back, comforting him.
"you don't have to hold everything in when you're with me. i'm your safe space. confide into me." he sighed again. he stepped into the shower leaving me standing there. i sighed and left the room. i waited in our bed until he finished. he eventually walked back out and got dressed.
"come here." i held my arms open as i laid in our bed. i could see the stress in his face. his body was tense. he crawled onto me and snuggled his face into my neck. "talk to me.." i whispered. i unexpectedly began to feel his body shake. he was crying.
"hey hey...baby it's ok..i'm right here.." i reassured him as i stroked the back of his head and rubbed up and down his back with the tips of my fingers. he cried silently into my neck. his tears dropped down into my pillow and my hair. "it's ok my love...you're ok.." i kept whispering sweet things near his ear so he would calm down enough to speak.
eventually he stopped crying and laid his head on the other half of my pillow. his body was still on top of mine. i cupped his cheek in my hand and wiped at his tear stained face. "tell me what's wrong baby.." i kissed his lips lightly. he just came closer so our lips would touch again. he continued this for awhile.
"come on baby." i kissed his cheek. "i just feel like i'm disappointing everyone. i can't do anything right. nothing is ever good enough." he finally let out. this was the first time he had ever opened up to me. i played with his hair as he continued to talk. he talked and talked.
i listened. he needed ears to pour into. he needed weight to be lifted. i reassured him after he stopped talking. i explained to him that he was wrong and his thoughts were only doing harm to him. he nodded along, thanking me.
"i love you...i'm sorry i didn't open up sooner." he broke eye contact. "hey don't apologize baby..i love you too and i'm just glad that you did. now you can continue to do so and i'll be here." he nodded. he grabbed my hand and started playing with it. "is there anything you need?" i asked him.
"i just need you to lay here with me. i just wanna hear your heart beating. you're the only reason i stay here. how could i choose to die when i have you to wake up next to every morning. all you ever do is accept me. even when i am in the wrong." he rambled.
i rubbed his cheek over with my thumb. my eyes welled up. "you are my reason." i hoped he knew exactly what i meant by that. i needed him to know. "when people ask me what makes me want to get up in the morning, i say you. you are the reason i choose to live another day. nothing else is worth the pain and suffering that life brings me every single minute. only you." a tear fell from my eye.
he wiped my tear as one fell from his eye. "just two people in love and in pain." he smiled. more tears fell from both of our eyes. he laid next to me and pulled me into him. he kissed me. "don't go anywhere. be mine forever please...i don't think i could handle you leaving." i shook my head at the thought of not being his. "i can't imagine life without you."
he kissed me again and again until eventually the pain faded and we were asleep in each other's arms. safe and comfortable. we lived only for each other. nothing else.
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