CHAPTER 31

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She, the girl named Scarlett Miles Dwason, once became the girl of my dreams. I do really love her. It may be forbidden for the eyes of everyone but she's the one I want. The girl that I always wanted. The girl who's always in my prayers. 

I still remember the first day I saw her, the way my heart skips a beat because of her stunning beauty. An indeed epitome of beauty. The way our eyes laid into each other. That moment, I once said to myself that one day… she'll be my girl, Scarlett will be mine.

At first I just wanted her to be mine until one day I woke up, I just imagined myself waking up beside her. I dreamt of marrying her, having a family with her. Building a good home with her, fulfilling my dreams with her.

I was once a teenage girl who dreamt of getting married and having children with a girl too. I was once a girl who dreamt of being her girl and mostly being her wife.

I thought when I came back I was one step closer of reaching my ultimate dream, not until I met Allison. She—she's the one who's one step closer of reaching my very own dream. The lucky girl indeed.

But Scarlett made me believe that we can still make the impossible possible. She made me believe that I'm still able to fulfill my dream. Not until this day happens.

Secretly watching how she closed her eyes with a smile on her lips made me cover my mouth so I could prevent myself from sobbing. She looked at Allison like she's the most beautiful lady she has ever seen, while Allison was walking down the aisle.

I can't stop my shoulder from shaking, this is breaking. That should be me, I was the one who should marry her. Ako dapat yun, e. I want to believe that Scarlett is a liar but I just can't. She just asked me to marry her the other day. I don't know if it's a joke or she's literally serious but the way she asked, I know deep down to my very own soul she meant it but I didn't take her seriously because of our damn dumb situation.

She told me she loves but I am here watching her marrying someone who's not me. I can't help but to be shattered into pieces. We once shared the happiest and greatest memories together and I guess I should have started forgetting it now.

Allison finally reaches Scarlett, they look into each other's eyes while tearing up. They smiled and that's the most hurtful thing I've ever seen. I can't take it anymore. I shut my eyes as I turned my back.

I tried to glance once again, I just couldn't help it. Naiingit ako. Sobrang naiingit ako. I am now facing their back, they are now taking their steps closer to the altar. I smiled painfully. I never thought Scarlett would like a simple beach wedding. But it's beautiful, a great idea.

I looked at the sunset, it signifies goodbye. And this is it. I start walking out but when I'm one step closer of getting out hindi ko napigilang lumingon muli habang patuloy na tumatangis.

I want to hug her before I go. I want to touch her, kiss her and memorize her face for one last time. But I can't do it, I just can't. I breathed out and finally took my final step. I need to leave, I need to choose myself this time. And maybe this will be the last time… this will be the last time of everything.

"Saan tayo, ma'am?" Nakitaan ko ng awa ang mukha nito kaya agad akong umiwas.

"Airport po tayo, mang Erning." I said in a low voice.

At this moment, I might call myself a coward again in the future but I'll still clap for being brave enough to choose myself. She's the girl of my dreams pero totoo nga yung sinasabi nila. Hindi lahat ng pangarap mo kaya mong abutin o makuha and now I'm hundred percent believing it.

We may really love each other but love is really not enough. Love is nothing without a fight. I didn't fight for her the last time and I guess she didn't fight for me this time. We both love each other but we both can't fight. Everything really changed but there are some things that haven't.

Looking at the window, being familiarized with the place we've been passing through made me feel the pang inside my chest. Lots of memories that need to be forgotten from the happiest one to the most painful one.

"Mang Erning, paki hinto po sa gilid." I got out of the car as soon as the car stopped.

I walked through our paradise. I paint a smile, a genuine one. It all started here, right here in this place. I ran in this place when the world was cruel to me, she also ran in this place when everything was cruel for her. Having a house that never felt like home, this place became her home and because she was here, this place became my home too…

"What if dito na tayo tumira?" She suddenly asked out of the blue moon.

I laughed and looked at her in disbelief. Nalukot naman ang mukha nito sa ginawa kong pagtawa.

"You're already drunk, do you? Hindi mo sinabi sakin na ganyan ka pala 'pag nalalasing.. Nagiging kakaiba bigla mga imagination mo sa buhay." I said while holding back my laughter.

She clicked her tongue and shook her head. "I'm serious here, Jasmine." She uttered seriously and roamed her eyes around our place. "I love the peaceful vibes here. Maganda at maaliwalas din ang view, laging nakakarelax at nakakatanggal ng stress... Gusto ko dito tumira. I want to build our house here and live here with you."

Suddenly, my heart's starts to pound so hard after hearing what she says but I chose to just ignore it. Maybe she's just drunk. Yeah, right. Uminom siya at pwedeng tinamaan na siya ng alak kase bakit niya naman sasabihin sakin yung mga yun diba?

"Stop imagining things. You're just drunk at saka parang ang imposible naman mangyari n'yang gusto mo." Pilit kong sabi at sinabayan pa ng pilit ring tawa.

And for the nth time she breathed out a lungful sigh. "I know... But someday I want to do that... Someday, I want to live here with you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I want to make the impossible possible, Jasmine."

She didn't know we were secretly sharing same dreams. Building our house here, living here with her and spending the rest of my life with her. Gusto ko din yun, Scarlett. Gustong-gusto. But some things really are not meant to happen.

"If I ask you to marry me and run away with me now. Would you agree?" She asked in a low tone while she was staring at our intertwined hands.

I chuckled softly. "Impossible.." I murmured.

"Let's make the impossible possible, Jas."

I shut my eyes as the memories kept on crashing into my mind. There were a lot of spoken words, but no action was taken. Maybe her mom was right, I'm not the best for her. And maybe the situation is right too, we're not meant for each other.

I was here in this place again. And I'm here to leave again but for now I'm not hoping for coming back. I'm now leaving for good. Leaving everything behind, leaving her and this place too.

We struggle too much. We hurt too much. Too much pain and sadness. I never thought loving her was this painful but still I became the happiest girl with her. She still made me happy but there's always sadness and pain awaiting us.

I still wish her all the best in life. I hope she became as happy as I wanted her to be. I hope she fulfills all her dreams with Allison. I hope she will have the family she always wanted.

I just hope everything good for you, Scarlett. I love you for one last time. Goodbye.

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