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"WELL..." I start to tell him hesitant. "When you left I was sad and angry. Sad because I was alone again and angry because you did the same thing as everyone else in my life."
"And I know you didn't have a choice, I know that you needed to leave. But it didn't make the pain any less." tears start to build on my eyes but I close my eyes blinking them away.
"I'm not mad at you anymore, and to be completely honest I don't think I ever was. I'm mad at myself." I avoid eye contact with him looking at the wall behind him as memories start to make their way to my head.
"I'm mad because I lied to you and everyone else. John was never a good guy. He abused me mentally and physically. I didn't even notice, he manipulated the truth, he made me believe I deserved all those things he did to me. And when I did notice, it was too late."
"It all started with a slap, but ended up being beaten up almost every night. Falling unconscious because my body couldn't handle the beating." I flinch as flashbacks of the countless nights that I was abused played inside my head like a movie.
"I'm mad because of the way I chose to cooperate with the abuse and you leaving. I'm mad because I relied upon someone else to feel slightly happy and ended up being heartbroken."
"I couldn't tell you about the abuse and the guy that I met because I didn't want to be a burden. But that's not the only reason. I felt ashamed of myself, ashamed for not being able to defend myself even though I knew how to and because I let myself fall in love." a single tear runs down my cheek.
"A month after you left, I was at a cafe. I felt like there was no hope, I felt numb. I was depressed. There was no point on living anymore. I was alone."
"But then, there was this boy. He decided it was a great idea to get to know me. He was the most annoying person I had ever met, yet, there was something about him, something that made me stay there. I tried to make him go way, but no matter how rude I was he wouldn't leave me." a humorless laugh scapes my lips.
