ASTOR: I will kill Link and Revali unless you give me what I want
MIPHA: What do you want?
ASTOR: I want to know what everybody has wanted to know since this chat began... What you guys's deepest darkest secrets are!
DARUK: I've told ya, I'm a communist. And also I maybe killed a guy once- or twice- but that was before I made my new year's resolutions so it doesn't count
URBOSA: the heck?
ASTOR: Admit your secrets
URBOSA: Fine, I'm a dictator and Gerudo Town in an autocracy
ASTOR: Hahahahahah Mipha what is your secret
MIPHA: I love Link?
ASTOR: The other secret
MIPHA: Oh that one? Thats....uh......kind of....top secret....
ZELDA: I would like to hear it
MIPHA: Well, you see, I'm not actually the heir to the zora throne
ZELDA: wait WHAT!
MIPHA: Dorephan adopted me.
UNKNOWN: Reality is an illusion
ASTOR: I have collected all of the information I need
ZELDA: What about my secret that I'm dating Link's brother! And also Urbosa! And maybe another person! Or two other people!
ASTOR: Oh that doesn't matter, but hah now you have angered the zelink shippers
ZELDA: oops
DARUK: sucks for you, acutally all of us
ZELDA: Well Link's brother died or something anyway
ASTOR: Thank you for the secrets, now I can begin the ritual.
MIPHA: What ritual?
ASTOR: Have you ever even played Zelda II: The Adventure of Link? The Hero's ashes can revive Ganon!
URBOSA: uh oh
ASTOR: I shall now use the dark energy of your secrets to set Link on fire!
DARUK: You could just use flint, wood, and a metal weapon to start a fire... You clearly haven't played Breath of the Wild, also I can break the 4th wall so much now that Link isn't here to yell at me about it
ASTOR: Well thanks for the advice, I have started the fire and begun the ritual, and soon Calamity Ganon shall return and lay waste to Hyrule!
MIPHA: If Hyrule is destroyed, won't you also be destroyed?
ASTOR: Oh dang I never though of that! HOW DO I UNDO THE RITUAL??? OH CRAP I SET MYSELF ON FIRE INSTEAD OF LINK! LONG LIVE THE CALAMITY!!!!!!
(Astor was disconnected)
DARUK: Lol he ded, well bye guys. See you one day again, when I'm not busy making repairs after that bad earthquake by Death Mountain
MIPHA: Yeah see you two one day Daruk, I will be very busy now that my secret is out
URBOSA: I'll see you guys as soon as I'm finished turning my town back into a proper democracy
ZELDA: I'll see you guys once I've stopped dating multiple people
(Revali joined the chat)
REVALI: I'll see you asinine weirdos one day when I'm a better and kinder person
(Link joined the chat)
LINK: And I'll see you amazing friends of mine as soon as I've assassinated every last Lynel in the Multiverse
(Sooga joined the chat)
SOOGA: Master Kohga and I say goodbye)
(Paya joined the chat)
PAYA: Robbie, Purah, Impa, Terrako, King Rhoam, and I say goodbye)
(Runk joined the chat)
RUNK: OC lives matter! Actually maybe they don't oh crap I need to rethink my life
(Everyone left the chat)
(Champions Group Chat was Closed..........Until Next Time)
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BotW Champions Group Chat
FanfictionJoin the cast of Breath of the Wild/Age of Calamity as they fight each other, roast each other, make memes and references, discuss ships, and declare wars. (Extreme cringe warning) This was inspired by other breath of the wild Champion Group Chat st...
