The Gay Delusion

3: The Gin Delusion

A/N: Hello, hello, hello! So I know it's been 7 months since I last posted anything and I disappeared, but here's an update for this story for anyone who was still interested in finding out what happened to Laina and Griffin. Just FYI, the first two chapters have been edited/slightly changed in the last couple of days, too, in case any of you were reading to refresh your memory and noticed any changes. Thanks for sticking with me, it means more than words could ever express! Lots of love! xoxo (Photo to the side is of Laina.)

3: The Gin Delusion

Avoidance. Avoidance was the only possible way for me to get through today. Bloody hell. Holy, bloody hell.

My eyes flickered from side to side nervously, scanning the office as my heart pounded in my ears, making me feel sick. My heart hadn't stopped racing since the staff meeting that morning.

Shit. Get a grip on yourself, woman, I scolded myself. This wasn't anything like me, freaking out because of a person with a penis, more commonly known to the general public as a boy. This was ridiculous, stupid, and pathetic. I seriously needed to grow a pair of balls - the thing I had first admired about Griffin, I recalled grimly.

I wasn't even entirely sure why I was so caught up on avoiding Griffin: what was there to even be afraid of? It was partially the lie I had told him about being gay and in a relationship. Except there were other reasons - which I couldn't quite put my finger on - which increased my anxiety tenfold, setting my heart racing and my fingers tingling.

'Um, are you okay?' Emilie - the girl whose desk was next to mine - asked, her head tilted to the side as she turned away from tapping on her computer and surveyed me through her Chanel glasses. 'It's just that you look like you're about to heave.'

I swallowed, silently agreeing that it did feel like I was on the verge of doing so. 'Oh yeah, I'm fine thanks,' I replied quickly, giving her a weak smile and reaching into my handbag under the desk for the bottle of Evian I had stowed in there this morning. I took a small sip from it, before placing the bottle on my desk a little shakily because of my quivering hands.

After staff briefing, during which everyone - Griffin and myself included - was completely silent as Kate shot information at us, I was conscious of a grey gaze locked on me. Several times during the course of Kate's spiel, my own eyes diverted towards Griffin, eyebrows raised questioningly, daringly. Griffin merely smiled smugly back in response, the cocky bastard, that disgustingly pretty smile widening as Kate introduced me to everyone and I stood up and gave them all a smile and wave, even gracing him with a glance.

All I kept thinking and wondering during the meeting was how it was possible for a person to have such unbelievably shite luck as me. Of all the buildings he could have worked in, of all the companies in the entirety of bloody London, Griffin just had to work for the same shitting one as me.

I could hardly believe any of this. Some higher power had to be involved.

The most unnerving thing though, was that after briefing, Griffin had merely slinked away without a word, probably knowing he would rile me up even more by doing that. I bet he thought he was Daniel Craig. He effing well wasn't, I wanted to tell him pettily, no matter what my initial thoughts had been when I first laid eyes on him only last Friday. It felt like weeks ago that all that had happened, a slightly surreal experience that I could barely believe had actually occurred in the first place, when it had scarcely been three days ago in reality. And his shirt was a pissy shade of blue that did him no favours, I wanted to remark.

I looked around once more, trying to catch a glimpse of Griffin at his desk. For the last hour, I had been determinedly staring ahead at my computer screen, barely blinking as I glared at it and typed away furiously, which had resulted in my eyes burning whenever I did take a moment to close my eyes for longer than a split second when they became too tired every so often.