Polycule [Closed] (Moving to ao3 with the same username)

Panic Attack

"Do you want anything specific, babe?" Sero pulled on his jacket, getting ready to make a snack run and pick up a movie.

Mind foggy and distant, Kaminari did his best to focus. "Na, it's cool, love." Bringing an arm across his chest, he grabbed his shoulder. "Whatever you bring is fine."

"Okay, be right back, cariño." Sero slipped his shoes on. Leaning down, he kissed Kaminari gently on the forehead before leaving for the store.

Kaminari watched through the window as Sero got in the car and left. He rubbed his shoulder, trying to ease the tension he was feeling. Slightly dizzy, he laid down on the couch, closing his eyes, trying to make sense of all the emotions swirling around in his head. Memories of bloody battles flooded his mind, forming a knot in his throat. His heart pounded against his chest, threatening to burst. When Sero was around, he could push these feelings aside, but alone his thoughts ran loose.

'Am I strong enough?... smart enough?... Am I... enough?'

'No. How could you ever be?' The voice in his brain echoed callously.

A fight with wounds long scarred, played in his mind intense as crimson, unable to forget the horrors he witnessed. His eyes burned as a vision of Sero, with his back shredded open, got stuck on loop. He trembled, tears running down his face.

'That was my fault.' His chest swelled with regret. 'If... I had been stronger...' His hands tingled as the panic attack, fed by his self-doubt, consumed him. Hardly able to breathe, he clenched his shirt as he broke down and sobbed.

When Sero arrived back at their apartment, bags of snacks and movies in hand, he was immediately distraught by what he saw. 'I wasn't gone that long, was I? Fuckfuckfuck, I'm such an idiot I should have taken him with me.' He dropped the bags to the floor, rushing over to the curled up blonde. "What's wrong, baby? What happened?" he asked concerned, gently cupping Kaminari's face brushing the golden hair away, 'Mi amor, how long have you been crying?' He pulled Kaminari's face up gently noticing how red and puffy his eyes were.

Kaminari's stomach twisted. Unable to muster any words, struggling against the knot in his throat, his face contorted in pain as his fists clenched white on his own shirt. Fear ached in his chest like a heated dagger, as visions of near death haunted his mind. Unable to hold back the overwhelming flood of emotions, he sobbed.

'¿Que paso mi pequeño relampagito? ¿Porque llores?' It pained Sero to see his usually bubbly little lightning bolt hurting this deeply. He sat down on the sofa and pulled him onto his lap. He laid Kaminari on his chest letting him rest his head on his shoulder, rubbing his back.

Kaminari pressed his face into Sero's shoulder, breathing in his familiar scent. His sobbing slowly turned into a weak sniffle as his muscles melted under Sero's soft, warm hands. He felt his body relax. Sero gently ran a hand through his golden blonde hair, brushing it away from his face as he rubbed the back of his neck.

"I love you." Sero cooed sweetly as he pressed Kaminari's forehead to his.

"I love you too." Kaminari whispered weakly, tears still streaming down his face.

"I'm here if you want to talk." Gently Sero wiped a thumb across Kaminari's cheek, brushing away some tears.

Kaminari's throat was in knots as he tried to muster the strength to tell Sero how he felt. Memories of sitting next to Sero's hospital bed flooded his mind. 'It was my fault.' He couldn't help but sob as Sero hugged him tightly.

"It's okay. I'm not going anywhere." Sero said lovingly, Kaminari cried into his shoulder as he continued to massage his back.

After some time Kaminari's crying slowed, his chest finally relaxing enough to take a deep breath, causing him to yawn. Tears still streaming down his face, he forced himself to speak, "It's just.... I just..." He tilted his head back, fighting desperately against the knot building in his throat. "Feel like... I'm not... enough." he choked, pulling his hands up to cover his face.

Sero's heart sank. He gently pulled Kaminari's hands down, interlacing his fingers, gripping his hands. 'Not.....? Enough...? Have I been making you feel... like you're not enough?' His heart broke at the thought, Kaminari was everything to him, his best friend, his love, his world. They had been through so much together. "You're amazing. Mi amor, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me." he whispered sweetly as he nuzzled into Kaminari's neck. "You're my whole world, no one's ever made me happier." Sero reassured, kissing Kaminari up his neck to his ear.

The affection slowly melted Kaminari's anxiety away as he ran a hand through Sero's jet black hair, 'No one's ever made me feel more loved.' He kissed Sero passionately before resting his head on Sero's shoulder, his eyes growing heavy, drowsy from crying for so long.

"Let's get you to bed, love." Sero gently stood up with Kaminari and carried him over to their room, setting him down on the bed gingerly.

Sero walked over to their dresser and pulled out a pair of black and yellow boxer briefs, a small yellow shirt with a Pikachu face on it, and some black shorts.

Fading in and out, Kaminari did his best to help Sero get him into his pajamas and tuck him in.

"I'll be right back." Sero kissed Kaminari. He walked out of the room, leaving the door open in case Kaminari called out to him.

Grabbing the bags he dropped by the door, Sero put the snacks on the kitchen counter, setting the movies by the TV. He headed to the bathroom and pulled out his silver face piercings placing them in some soapy water to clean.

"MMmmEEEERRrr~" Kaminari whined, half-asleep, reaching out his arms for Sero.

Still fully dressed from going out, Sero took his shirt off and curled up with Kaminari, gently playing with his blond hair. 'Eres mi mundo.' He gazed at Kaminari's soft, relaxed face, so different from the one contorted in pain. His eyes watered, blurring his vision. Pulling Kaminari in close, he closed his eyes, letting the tears run down his face. 'Mi amor, quisiera enseñarte... I wish I could show you, how truly amazing you are.'

At about 3am, Sero woke up parched. He looked over, making sure not to wake Kaminari as he got out of bed. He needed to grab some water and change into some sweatpants. The pants he was wearing were not the most comfortable thing to have fallen asleep in. Grabbing Kaminari's clothes off the floor, he headed to the hamper. He took off his pants and tossed everything in. He pulled a pair of grey sweats out of the dresser, sliding them on as he made his way to the kitchen.

As he grabbed some water bottles from the kitchen fridge, he noticed the food they had planned on making for dinner that night. 'Oh, man...' Sero put his face into his hand. 'This isn't going to be good...' They had both skipped lunch and dinner, which was bad enough, but worse, Kaminari had also skipped breakfast. At the time, Sero thought nothing of it, but now that he gave it some thought, Kaminari had seemed off. 'I'm such an idiot. ¿Porque no me di cuenta?' Closing the fridge, he went back to the room.

Setting the water down on the nightstand, Sero crawled back into bed, snuggling Kaminari. He stared at Kaminari's gentle expression, gingerly placing a hand on his face, careful not to wake him. His eyes grew heavy. Listening to Kaminari's breathing, he drifted back to sleep.