Never In A Million Years

Chapter Thirty-One

"He's so stupid," Drew sighs, elbows pressing against his legs.

"I didn't think it'd last this long," I say, looking away.

It's been a week and a half since I spoke to Brendan last. I've given up on reaching out to him. I've done all I can. If he wants to talk to me about what happens, he can do it himself.

I'm not past feeling sad about it, not a single bit. But more than that, I'm angry. At Caleb. At Shelby. At Brendan, too.

He can't keep dodging my attempts to contact him. It's getting to be too much. If he isn't going to fight for it, I guess it was never meant to be. If his trust isn't here now, it was never there before.

"I've tried to talk to him. I swear I have," he sighs again.

"I know. Thank you," I say.

He looks constricted, hesitant as he looks back at me.

"What?" I ask, curious now.

"Your year isn't turning out to be the best one yet, is it?" He says finally.

"Not how I planned at all," I sigh.

"You don't... You don't think..." He looks away. "Never mind."

"You can't say something and then just say 'never mind' like it's no big deal!" I exclaim.

"I don't think I should..."

"You have to."

"This is America," he says. "I can do what I want."

"Not in my house," I raise my eyebrows.

"This is my house!" Drew says.

"Your point is?"

"Okay, well, this sounds really bad..." He says, looking away again. "I just, I don't know, don't take this the wrong way. Do you think it's a sign that it's never going to work out? You in our group? I mean, I'm not saying that... Forget I said anything. That is stupid. I'm stupid. You're my best friend. Of course you belong in the group."

"No, you're right," I say, looking back at him.

"I'm not right, I told you forget-"

"No," I shake my head. "Maybe I don't belong together with anyone in the group. Maybe I should stick with being friends."

"No, really Lili, you don't-"

"It makes sense, everything that's happened," I sigh. "Of course he hates me. It's not meant to be. He doesn't love me anymore." I pause. "Maybe he never really did. And maybe that's just how it's suppose to be."

"You and Brendan are perfect together though. Anyone with eyes can see it," he says.

"Yeah, well everyone said that about us too. That one didn't turn out well either," I shrug. "No offense to you."

"None taken," he says, though he can't meet my eyes.

"I'm sorry I brought it up," I say, now realizing it was stupid.

"You have nothing to apologize for," he says simply.

We sit in silence for a while, both a little uncomfortable now.

There's a knock at the door. And for some stupid reason I find my hopes getting up though I know they shouldn't. It won't be Brendan here, ready to apologize.

Drew stands up and walks to the door. He pulls it open stepping to the side so the guest can enter.

My heart stops. My breathing halts. The world slows. My mouth hangs open in shock.