Fighting For What's Missing

30.

William

The weight of Agnes' head on my arm is gone. I can't control the panic that pulses through me, and I'm fully awake in a second. Jolting upright in bed, I find Night Fury is sitting next to me. My panic vanishes, and I smile at the stuffed white Tiger next to me. Agnes must've woke up before me, long before me, and left Night Fury in her place, so I wouldn't be alone. I love that little girl so much. With a grin still curling my lips, I get out of bed. Then I heard it; Agnes' laughter and my heart swells.

The bedroom door is wide open. I can hear Agnes and who I'm hoping is Robbie, moving around downstairs. I step into the hall and peer over the railing.

"The daruma doll fell...over!" Robbie yells, then Agnes bursts into laughter. "The daruma...dollfellover!"

"Wait!" Agnes squeals.

"I saw you move!"

What the hell are they doing? And what's a daruma doll? I push off the railing and jog down the steps. I enter the living room to find Robbie on one side of the room, his forehead pressed against the wall and he's leaning into it. Agnes, who's standing in the middle of the room, has one foot in front of her and looks like she's about to run and crash into Robbie. She sees me and her eyes go wide. "Will!" She runs to me and jumps. I catch her, I will always catch her, and pick her up, placing her on my side. "You're up!" Her cheeks are a rosy red and her hair's a mess. Whatever she and Robbie have been doing, it's wearing Agnes out.

"I am. Thank you for leaving Night Fury with me. What are y'all doing?"

"Playing a game," Robbie answers, approaching us. "Similar to Red Light Green Light."

"Oh, well, continue. Imma get something to eat." I place Agnes down and kiss the top of her head. "Did you brush your teeth yet?"

She nods, taking my hand and leaning into me, and pouts up at me. "Can we go down by the water today?"

"Um...it might be too cold. Let me check and I'll let you know."

"Okay!" She lets go of my hand and runs over to the wall. "It's my turn!" She yells to Robbie. I take a deep breath. Rob smiles at me before moving to the other side of the room.

"The daruma doll fell..." Agnes says as Robbie slowly begins walking towards her. "Over!" She abruptly barks, snapping her head back. Robbie stops dead in his tracks. She growls, facing the wall again. "The daruma doll fell..."

I leave them to play their...strange game. Again, what the hell is a daruma doll? Did they make that up?

I pour myself a bowl of Frosted Flakes and only Frosted Flakes, grab a store-bought smoothie and take a seat at the table. "Will," Agnes strolls into the kitchen and over to me. It's strange how she calls me Will. I'm just too used to her calling me William.

"Yeah?" I pick her up and place her on my leg. She grabs my open smoothie and takes a sip. I smile at how comfortable she is with me.

"When you're done, can you do my hair?" Her hair is pulled back in a high ponytail, but it's loose and I can see the knots tangling her hair.

"Yeah."

She smiles. "Can I see your phone?"

"I left it upstairs." She jumps off me and runs out of the room. A moment later, Robbie enters. "Where's Tisha?" I ask as he takes a seat next to me.

"The supermarket. She wanted to take Agnes, you know to get her out of the house, but she didn't want to leave without you."

I eat a mouthful of cereal. "She's stubborn."

He shakes his head. "She was worried. Whatever she told you last night, it bothered her. She kept saying you had a long night and how badly you needed sleep."

What could I have possibly said to her...shit. The thing with Gloria. Again, shit. Agnes must've been more concerned about it than I thought. I hate how much she worries about me. She's a kid, the only thing she should be worrying about is her toys, Night Fury, tv. Not me and especially not about who I'm with.

"Will!" Agnes runs into the kitchen. "Here." She holds out my phone in front of me. I look at her confused. "YouTube."

"There's no lock on my phone." She knows this.

"YouTube," she repeats, blinking.

"Okay." I grab my phone and open YouTube. "There you go." Taking my phone again, she sits on my leg and begins typing away. I eat a few mouthfuls of cereal before she carefully places my phone on the table, the screen facing upwards. Curiosity gets the best of me, and I push my bowl to the side and pick my phone.

"William."

"Hold on." Agnes had searched how to braid hair on YouTube. "Okay, I'll learn how," I chuckle.

"Thank you," she presses her back to my chest, and I kiss her head.

"Rob, could you give us a second?" I ask. He nods, rising to his feet, and leaves. A moment later, the tv in the living room is on and Agnes and I can hear...what I'm assuming is a Disney show playing. I put my phone down and move Agnes so her legs are hanging off my side of my lap and she's sort of facing me. "Agnes, I know you love me, but..." how the hell do I word this?

I must've taken too long because her smile flips into a frown. Shit.

"Robbie told me you were worried about me," I rush out.

"Oh," she drops her shoulders. "Am I in trouble?"

"Yes and no," my words are still rushed. "I do not want you to worry about me, not like that anyway. What happened with Gloria and me, it's nothing. As long as you're fine, then I'm fine." I blink, and her expression is suddenly blank. "Agnes?"

It's...petrifying how quickly her emotions change.

"My mom always complained how I ruined her life," she whispers, staring me in the eyes. "I don't want to do that to you."

"Agnes," is the only thing I can manage to say as I pull her to my chest. "Agnes, you could never ruin my life."

"You're crushing me!" She slaps my back repeatedly, and I instantly loosen my grip on her. She takes a deep breath, sinking into me. "Are you happy?"

"At the moment, not really, but in general, yes." I feel like a simple yes would've been a lie, and I cannot lie to her. Agh, maybe constantly telling her the truth is too stressful for her. I just need her to tell me the truth. I need her to tell me when something's bothering her.

She pulls away from me too soon and forces a warily smile at me. "We'll be fine."

I smile, slowly blinking. "We will."