𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐨𝐧 ‧ kiyoko

𝐃𝐄𝐈𝐌𝐎𝐒 | 014

song recs °∴,*⋅✲ more sad music! yay! 
if we make it through december, two slow dancers

December 25th

Kiyoko was at the beach, exactly two months from when (Y/N) had first taken her there, sitting in the icy stairs with absolute despair sitting in her heavy heart after spreading her ashes.

There was a heavy weight in her coat pocket, coaxing her to take the three objects out, tempting her, just as (Y/N) had once tempted her with that handsome grin of hers.

She sat there in pure silence, letting the crash of the waves wash away her anguish and the ice cold breeze numb her skin. She didn't want to reach out and grab onto that pain yet, because if she did, it would crash onto her in full.

She needed to be ready.

She took a single breath, letting the cold air cut through her, letting the heavy scent of lavender, sea salt and old snow invade every sense she had. She had a horrible headache, her throat ached.

She needed to be ready.

The moon was full again, tantalizingly bright. It was there in all its glory as it's silvery glow poured out across the ocean, dying the ripples white and, possibly, trying to comfort Kiyoko. She didn't pay attention, as her eyes naturally wandered over to the twinkling dots that occupied the dark sky next to the moon, more beautiful than the moon could ever be. And her eyes welled up with tears as she noticed how one star, close to the larger celestial body, shone brighter than all the others.

She would never be ready.

And so she took them out with shaky hands, vision blurred.

An envelope, the familiar leatherbound notebook (Y/N) always carried around, and the copy of If Not, Winter with what Kiyoko knew were messy, ink-blotted pages.

With shaky hands, she opened the envelope, reading over its contents through her blurry vision.

To my darling Kiyoko,

I'm sorry. I'm writing this as I feel my fever take over, and I do feel like quite the idiot for insisting we go camping, but I'm dying anyway. I'm sorry I sped it up, though. You deserve every single second I can spend with you, every kiss and every caressing touch. Every word I've said, and every word I can say to you with my time that is left, you deserve.

They aren't quite deserving of you, now that I think about it.

There are a million things I wish I could say, but I can't exactly write them all. I'd be dead before I could finish.

I love you, simple as that. More than Icarus could ever love the sun, I have loved you and I will love you, wherever it is I am. I do hope you remember me, but I want you to move on, obviously. As much as I wish to be selfish, it would be horrible of me to burden you with some sort of dying wish.

I don't have anything of the sort. That book of poetry, my poetry, is yours, and it is your choice to decide what to do. Keep it, publish it, whatever. They were all written for you anyway.

The Sappho one is yours too, of course. Fragments 31, 34, 94, 96, 104b and 147 especially. I've annotated those just for you, as I've done practically everything just for you.

Once again, I am eternally sorry. I wish I could write more, but there's a Super Smash Bros tournament I must attend.

And I feel it unfair to finish my final phrase, because that would imply that I came back from wherever it is I went. I simply don't think that's possible, though I can promise to try. But, only as long as you promise to move on.

She let out shaky sobs as her breathing shortened into tiny gasps, letting the letter fall into her lap as she cried, wiping her face in a futile attempt to stop the flow of tears. But it wouldn't stop. It had only been two months, two months of absolute bliss and an inevitable lead to heartbreak.

An inevitable heartbreak that they both walked into, knowing it was right there.

She couldn't possibly read those last two sentences, it hurt her a terrifying amount. But they were her words. Her last words, words that Kiyoko would be able to read over and over to find solace to fill that gaping hole that was left in her heart. Partially fill it, at the very least.

She gasped for breath, desperately trying to get something into her aching lungs. "O- Okay," She managed to say in between sobs, coming out in coughs, as an answer to that promise.

She had never cried so much, so much so that she felt like she was going to throw up. All that accumulating misery and heartbreak, disappointment, love, made a horrible feeling that churned her stomach. She missed her so much.

She frantically reached for the letter, begging whatever God controlled this tragic world of theirs to let her read the last part. And whether it was God or some other being and, hell, maybe it was (Y/N), she managed to read the last part, her heart breaking all over again as her eyes went over those words in her familiar handwriting.

I love you to the moon, 'Ki.

Infinite love,your Lady Stardust.

​i wandered the earth,
waiting for her.

half my soul,
half my body,
half my spirit.

then one day i found my other half,
but soon she lost hers.