In My Life

Fourteen

"John." I grabbed his arm to snap him back into reality, and to shift his attention of of Cynthia and Ringo who were putting on quite a show.

I felt myself feeling somewhat green though I know there was no reason to be.

"You can't be serious," John scoffed with a slight hysteric laugh, thrusting his tongue into his cheek rather bitterly, "he's lost bloody mind he has." He seemed to see red, fishing out a cigarette from his pocket abruptly to smoke.

"John, I'm sorry, I wouldn't have wanted to come if I'd kn-" I began before John decided on pulling me in closely by my shoulders and putting a rather urgent kiss on my lips, obviously out of spite for Ringo.

I had to pull myself away from him after a moment feeling John becoming desperate to forget what he'd seen, looking up at him with a furrowed brow.

"D'you, still have feelings for Cynthia?" I asked becoming shy, wondering why he was so wound up over it.

His expression softened, as if I had came to a conclusion he'd hoped I wouldn't have gotten to.

"You do, don't you?" I pursed my lips nodding my head, sort've hurt that he was jealous the question seeming very rhetorical.

"Elle-" John began, his face full of sorrow seeing what he had done.

"I understand, John, you don't need to explain it," I pursed my lips, not daring look over at Ritchie, keeping my eyes glued to the floor.

I wouldn't admit it especially to John but I felt maybe there were still feelings there for Ringo, I think maybe seeing them hurt me as much as John.

I could tell this made John feel terrible, but just as he was about to speak, George emerged through the crowd.

"John, Elle." George greeted with a small tipsy smirk looking looser than normal because of how much he'd drank.

"George," I grinned, bringing him into a quick hug, pushing the bitterness out of mind for a moment.

"Have you seen Paul round 'ere? I've been trying to look for him everywhere but I wouldn't be surprised if he's gone home with some bird. Moves fast that one." He spoke raising his eyebrows and pursing his lips before taking another drink of his beer.

"No," I looked over my shoulder for a second to see John trying to stop looking so angry as he peered back at them, "if you're looking for Ritch though," I spoke trailing off, pointing to where he and Cynthia were whispering into each others ears.

My entire body cringed, everything about seeing Cynthia and Richard felt, wrong.

"Bloody idiot." George groaned out annoyedly at the sight of his mate being so careless.

"I think I'd better go home." I spoke to George, looking back with a churning stomach to John. I couldn't stand by and watch him be jealous over someone else.

George looked at me with protest but knew he couldn't argue by the looks of how uncomfortable I was becoming.

I turned to John with a sigh, I bet he wouldn't even realize I'd left. His eyes were stuck elsewhere. I pursed my lips and turned back to leave, pushing my way through the crowd with a heavy heart.

It took a second to hear John calling after me but it only made me rush out faster, moving down the driveway with my arms crossed over my chest.

"I don't love her alright? I love you Elle." He called as he had made it out of the house after me.

This made me stop, though frustrated, leaving I knew would only make thislngs worse. The people around tried to look like they weren't eavesdropping but what John had said evidently peaked their interest.

I turned back to face him, seeing him walking down to the end of the driveway where I was.

"Look, I know it's bad, but I'm a jealous guy," he began. This, I knew.

"But I didn't mean to hurt you, Elle. What was worse is thinking about you with Ritch. I don't want to lose you because of them." John scrunched his nose in digits.

"John, I don't have the time." I emphasized, seeing him shift in shame, sucking his head down for a moment.

"Please, don't be like tha'." He looked back up at me with a deep pain in his eyes.

"There's really nothing they could do, to," he trailed off with a hard swallow, looking over my face with a sorrowfulness.

I pursed my lips then realizing how much I was hurting John, and had a flash of guilt. Was I selfish for being with John when I knew it couldn't end well?

"Unless you have the all the money in the world for those experimental types of treatments that might not even work." I let out a small laugh out of a feeling of helplessness. I would never have the kind of money to try and fix myself, I supposed i more or less had my fate sealed.

He paused for a moment, his eyes glowing over slightly, blinking it away a few times before continuing.

"What if I could?" He spoke in a state of desperation.

I gave him a small smile grabbing his hands, thinking he was sweet for trying to give me hope but knowing it was never a possibility.

"I love you." I spoke simply, not wanting to try to fill him with hope.

He seemed to step back into reality and realized what seemed to be understood by me.

"That's enough of that, keep that up and we'll both start." I smiled, putting my thumb up to his eye and wiping a tear that was threatening to spill from his eye, "now, if you don't mind, I think the night is still young, and I think there's a pub or two we would both like to visit." I said making his spirits perk up, getting a laugh out of him and he grabbed my hand that was on his cheek, putting a quick kiss down onto it.

He seemed to force himself to laugh it off for my sake, becoming the usual goofball again.

"Well then come on then lass." John said goofily in a silly voice, handing out his arm for me to grab.

I laughed taking it, John beginning to skip like a schoolboy singing "One scotch, one bourbon, and one beer. Please mister bartender, listen here" from an Amos Milburn song, thickening his accent. The promise of alcohol seemed to lift his spirits enough.