Bring Me Home // Bucky Barnes

Chapter XXXII - I Just Feel Pain

When Lizzie's hands fluttered to her face, her mouth opening and closing repeatedly as she struggled to form her words, Bucky took a careful step towards her. He was still reaching for her. He ached to touch her. To understand what he'd just seen.

"Lizzie? Talk to me... please?"

She stumbled backwards, knocking into the piano stool and swinging around frantically as she tried to escape.

The team all stood in silence, gathered in the darkness on the stairs, as she backed away from Bucky, terror scrawled across her face.

"That was... different." Sam whispered as Steve took a step away from the group. Elizabeth's head snapped around and her eyes met Steve's. She could see it all: the pity and worry. It broke her into panic.

"Lady Lizzie possesses the power of an infinity stone." Thor spoke in wonder and amazement.

She glanced at Tony and he smiled sadly. Nat followed Steve down the stairs and Elizabeth looked back at where Bucky stood; confused and desperate for answers to the thousands of questions he now had.

"Bucky I -" She shook her head as her tears spilled and she continued to back away.

"Please Lizzie." He took another step to her. "Just stay and talk to me."

"I - I can't do this right now."

As she turned on her heels and ran from the room Elizabeth felt the pressure of memories and longing burning inside her. She ran faster, desperate to escape it all.

Bucky started after her, calling out to her as she ran from him, his heart aching as the distance between them grew. As he reached the door Bucky felt the firm grip of his best friends hand on his arm.

"No Buck." Steve was clear, decisive. "Not you."

"What do you mean not me?" Betrayal etched itself into his features as he swung around to face Steve. "Tell me if I'm wrong here Steve - please tell me I'm wrong - but that seemed to be a pretty clear display of me and her and a life I don't have any memory of so why not me?" His voice rose as his frustration grew. "I seem to be the only person who has no clue what the hell is happening here, so again Steve, I need you to tell me: why the hell not me?"

"Buck," Steve sighed as he watched Bucky's mind spin and ache. "Please just give her some space. I can explain everything."

Bucky nodded, pulling his arm from Steve's grip and walking towards the couch. Steve turned to the team and watched as they all stood unsure of what to do or where to go now. "Sam? Go see if she's okay. The rest of you... just anywhere but here. Got it?"

Slowly they cleared the room and Buck was left alone with Steve. Silence sat with them as Sam re-entered, his pack on his shoulders and some trainers in his hands, and Bucky glared at him: a mixture of hurt and jealousy coursing through his veins as Sam approached the door to go see his girl. Not his girl. He shook his head as he tried to wrap his head around it all.

"Steve. What the hell is going on?" Bucky's voice seemed to break as he spoke and Steve sighed.

*

Sam flew through the night sky searching for her. It didn't take him long to find her, barefoot and upset in the dark streets approaching the city. He landed behind her swiftly as she swung around afraid and confused but ready to fight.

Her fists raised as she cried and Sam chuckled as his wings folded into the pack and he held his hands up, showing the shoes as a peace offering.

"First of all, I come in peace so fists down Princess." He watched as she lowered them and she stood shivering before him. He removed the pack quickly, placing it on the floor by his feet and unzipped his jacket, taking it off to wrap around her. "Secondly, what did we all just watch?"

Once she'd slipped the trainers on Elizabeth leaned into him as he wrapped around her, crying as she tried to find the answer to that question herself.

"I think," she whispered, "I just showed you all my memories."

Sam nodded as he held her, gently stroking her hair and shushing her as she panicked.

"Sam? I'm scared. I don't want this." She pulled away as she spoke, staring at her hands and recoiling from herself. "I don't know how to control this."

When Sam Wilson looked at her he saw so much strength and kindness. He saw the capacity for compassion that meant she was willing to hurt herself to help others. He saw bravery and love and the most gentle nature. He also saw fear and pain and longing. Longing for the simplicity of the past. He gently took her face in his hands, brushing away her tears, and stared into the chocolate warmth of her eyes. He wanted nothing more than he wanted to take her suffering away.

"Okay Princess. Tell me what you were thinking when you saw Bucky again?" He smiled sadly at her. "And when Ultron attacked tonight? And what about just now, with the memory mist thing?"

Lizzie took a deep breath as she held onto his wrists, staring into the comfort of his eyes.

"Pain Sam." She whispered, her voice clinging to the last thread of strength she had. "I just feel pain all the time and it takes control. I miss him so much."

Elizabeth watched as sadness sank into Sam's eyes and he pursed his lips before speaking. She watched as he distanced himself from her words, still gently stroking away her pain as he held her face but now absorbing it in as his own.

Sam sighed as he felt the sting of it. Despite Bucky's reappearance, despite the fact he had watched the way she looked at Bucky and known she had never looked at him with even half of the adoration behind those stolen glances, he had held on to the hope that one day he might charm her enough to get her on a date. Now he knew how out of reach she really was. How out of reach she had always been and would always be to him.

"Then you need to let go of the pain Lizzie, you need to tell Bucky everything."

Slowly he pulled away from her, letting his hands drop to his side as he stepped back and Elizabeth felt the wash of guilt again. She knew Sam cared for her, she knew he would always look after her, but she thought his flirtation was a joke. Until now. She watched the way he looked at her, she watched it change from longing to pain and she just wanted to make it better. She wanted to stop hurting people she cared for.

"Sam," she cried, "I'm so sorry. I really am."

Sam shook his head as he bent down to pick up his pack.

"No, it's okay Princess." He nodded. "But you know, if he hurts you - in any way - I will be there to kill the cyborg and fix you up. Okay?"

When Elizabeth laughed a whole new wave of tears came to pull her under and Sam reached towards her to pull her to him, to comfort her. As his fingers brushed against the cold skin of her arm a streak of blue rushed past them as the force of the wind picked Sam up and threw him across the empty street. Lizzie lay just a few feet from him, groaning as she pulled her hand up to her head and Sam's eyes travelled over the tall, blonde man now towering over her.

"Get away from her!" Sam barked, his voice low and authoritative as he rose to his feet. Ready for a fight.

The man turned to face him and smirked. He disappeared in another streak of blue, racing behind Sam and throwing him to the ground again before he reappeared in front of Lizzie who was struggling to pull herself up from the floor.

"Sorry," the thick European accent dripped with amusement as the man scooped Elizabeth up and threw her over his shoulder. "No can do Bird Boy. Ultron needs her."

With another flash of silver and blue they were gone and Sam was left alone, terrified and screaming out for Lizzie.