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Hearts Content ~ Brandi Carlile (*)

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Harry  ~~

Intractable. Word of the fucking day.

That's how the issue I've been thinking about in my head feels. It almost feels like too much to handle, but that's only because it's something I'm not familiar with.

That something being feelings. Strong feelings. For Rayne.

Man I am so fucking whipped. She's constantly on my mind, and I am not boosting that either. Every little thing I think of somehow links my mind to her over and over again. Not that I'm complaining.

But still, I'm wondering if I need help. I can't decide if this is unhealthy or not.

I bet if she knew how often I thought about her she'd think I was fucking weird.

At the end of the day I still wouldn't care, she'd still occupy one hundred percent of my thoughts.

It's so weird how clueless I am when it comes to doing something about these feelings I have though. I've never experienced this before. Not once has a woman ever enticed me enough to make me want only her forever. And yes I mean forever. I want Rayne all to myself forever.

She's so beautiful. She's strong physically and mentally, she's courageous, and although she doesn't see it, she's also selfless. She can also be intractable, but I like dealing with her dark side that's harder to handle.

For some reason both of our bad sides seem to mix quite well, even though she hasn't really seen the worst parts of me yet. I don't know when I'll be ready for that.

But still, she's mine and I am hers. I've come to that conclusion. Now I just have to explain that to her without sounding like a narcissistic prick. The last thing I want is to come off as possessive. I just want her to know I'm all hers, and I want her to be all mine. I guess there isn't really a good way to word that without sounding psycho though.

I'll figure it out, and hopefully before she gets to my place which is supposed to be in the next half hour.

Currently I am overthinking everything while tidying up my penthouse. It's usually always spotless but cleaning it is helping me stay busy while I fuck my mind into oblivion with the billions of thoughts in it.

When I get to the bookshelf that has my record player on it, I smile at the memory of us swaying to some Hozier song the night she confessed part of what he did to her. I don't smile at that part, but at the good parts. I'm also reminded of the night at the ball when we danced to another Hozier song.

What is it with us always dancing to just that one band?

Anyway, I play whatever I had in there recently. Which happens to be Can't Take My Eyes Off You by Andy Williams. It's on the vinyl I had customized for myself that plays a bunch of romantic songs.

Yea spoiler alert, when it comes to music I am the biggest sap ever. Those who didn't know me personally but knew what music I liked would think I'm a hopeless romantic.

But when I find myself dimming the lights and lighting some candles, I'm reminded that I have become a romantic due to a certain woman that somehow managed to make me soft for her. She's the only free pass though.

I then walk up the one step to where my "bedroom" area is at and make sure everything up here is tidy too. I check the bathroom which is also all good, and then finally the last door straight across from the bathroom on the other side of the bedroom area.

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