Bees & Honey [H.S]

Chapter 60

Bianca's POV

I knew it. I knew I had fucked up. Big time.

But somehow, Harry made it easier.

What he made easier was for me to forgive myself. I very well knew that I wasn't the one who was supposed to forgive me, that was all up to Philippe. And also... Harry. Once again, I had let my actions get ahead of myself before my mind had a chance to catch up, and Harry was yet again the person who was caught in the crossfire. Out of all the people, he was the one I never wanted to do that to. Especially since I never expected him to give me that forgiveness, not after how things went down the last time. He deserved better than that, he deserved better than me, he deserved the world and the loving adoration from the sun.

So, when his steady, soothing, jade eyes set deeply into mine with the words "it's okay" I wanted to explode in my spot from relief and guilt, the words breaking me and putting me back together all at the same time. And with his instant step to hug me, to then hold my hand, grab my arms, embrace me to sleep, and lend a shoulder- I was starting to feel like he was physically trying to do just that. I didn't lean on his comfort and support out of pity for myself, hoping he would pity me so that he wouldn't hate me. Truthfully- I expected him to do it, and I would've let him. Instead, I leaned on his comfort and support because through his eyes I didn't see myself be all of that I had promised myself never to be. Through his eyes, his lighthouses, he actually managed to reflect light back into the darkness that had consumed my mind. And with him not hating me, it was hard for me to hate myself.

Still, it didn't change the fact that I had gone against everything I believed in. I had done the thing I hated the most. More specifically, I had done the thing that hurted the most to someone else. As long as we were in Italy, it was easier to allow myself not to think about it as much. But as soon as the captain's voice woke me up, announcing that we were landing in just twenty minutes, reality started creeping in.

Spinning the ring on my pinky, I was waiting for the luggage by the baggage claim together with all of the others. Or well, almost all of the others. Harry had mysteriously left us for a bit. By the time we had gathered all of our bags- including his, he had returned. Together all of us walked to the already booked cars to take everybody home. Just like last time, Mitch, Sarah, Adam and Clare shared a ride while me, Grimmy and Harry shared the other.

Long and tight hugs were exchanged, although this time neither of us were going anywhere. For the first time in what felt like forever, time zones and distance would no longer stand in the way of us hanging out. And despite the fact that we had spent around 20 days, 24/7, I had not grown tired of this bunch of lovely people. So when we split up into two different cars, I knew I didn't have to miss them too long before our next meet up.

As always, Grimmy was chatting away to which Harry worked double so that I wouldn't need to bother thinking about actively joining in. Instead, my thought was stuck on the people walking the streets of London while our ride seemed to be swushing by faster than I would've wanted. I dreaded the moment the door of my flat would close behind me, leaving me alone with the shame and remorse, forcing me to actually face it. The only thing that didn't make my leg jump up and down from the nerves running at high speed was the soothing and easing finger that with the smallest and most discreet movement reassured me with his hand pushed tightly between our legs by the way all three of us had squeezed in the backseat.

Going our normal route, Grimmy was the first one to be dropped off. The separation wouldn't be long, in fact it would be less than 24 hours. But we still made sure to shower each other with love as he left with a big wet kiss on my cheek before closing the car door behind him.