Loving the Fighter

104

Jax's POV

I had made up my mind long before I sat down at the table.

Boyd and his boyfriend, Kyle, and Kellan as well as Jordan and Matthew, who had been sitting with us a lot more lately, were already sitting there waiting on us but as soon as my eyes landed on them my anxiety only got worse.

You doing okay out there? Carter asked as he watched from the couch. I can switch in if you need me to.

'I'm going to tell them,' I decide after I get my food and sit down at the table.

You're going to tell them about me? He clarified. You don't have to unless you want to.

'I want to. They deserver to know and you should be able to have some time out without having to worry about if my friends are going to be there.'

Carter doesn't say anything else as my hands begin to play with each other under the table.

"Are you okay," Boyd asked making me snap out of my daze. "You look more pale than usual."

"And you've barely touched your food," Callum notes as he gestured to a clock letting me know dinner was already nearly over. Not that I was complaining, I wasn't hungry anyway.

"I talked to Andrew a few weeks ago," I start out, only staring at the table. "He tested me for something and then said he was going to have to see a specialist to confirm before he told me what it was about."

"You don't have like brain cancer or anything right," Jordan asked looking very confused.

"Now how in the hell is a therapist going to know if he has brain cancer," Matthew asked, looking utterly appalled by what his friend asked.

"I don't know. Maybe he saw the symptoms like he was sleeping more or he was misplacing words. It was a fair question!"

"I don't have brain cancer," I say, cutting them off before they could really get into it. "Andrew says I have DID. Apparently I have someone else living in my head and eventually more of them could pop up."

Callum had grabbed my hand under the table while Ryder rubbed small circles on my back. Liam looked like he was ready to jump across the table if any of them said something bad.

"How many do you have right now," Boyd asked gently, almost like he expected Carter to front and hit him just because we were talking about him.

"Just one. His name is Carter."

"Can we meet him," Kyle asked he casually starting eating again even though he was already full.

N-

"No," I say a bit too harshly before Carter had a chance to say it.

Carter didn't have to tell me for me to know that he didn't want to meet my friends yet. His anxiety was nearly as bad as mine at this point but I got it, my friends could be a bit much from time to time.

Kyle looked like he wanted to grumbled but wisely chose to keep his mouth shut as he leaned back into Kellan's side.

"He's not ready to meet any of you yet."

The air quickly turns awkward when no one else asks a new question to fill the new silence.

"I just got put on PTSD nightmare meds and anxiety meds," Boyd says out of nowhere.

"Do they seem to be working do far," Kellan asked as he picked off a new piece of his roll.

"I don't think they've had a chance to work. I just got them on Sunday."