My Summer of Firsts

Chapter 34 - Easier Said than Done

After Ray left, I couldn't sit still. I really wanted to tell mom about the move before I lost the nerve. I grabbed my keys off the hook and headed out to find mom at work.

I walked to the back of the grocery store to the bakery. Mom was just putting out fresh cupcakes in the case. She beamed with joy when she saw me. "Stevie!" She came over to hug me. "What are you doing here? You never come by my work."

"Can you take a break? I need to talk to you."

"Just let me put these out first."

I waited for her to fill the case. Then I followed her through the bakery kitchen, out the side door where there was a small cement table with matching benches. She sat on one side; I took the other. The stench of the ashtray in the middle of the table, filled with spent cigarette butts, made me want to gag.

"What's up, honey?" Mom asked.

I clasped my shaky hands together in my lap, my leg bouncing erratically, and explained everything to her. My words came out in a rush, trying to spit it all out before she could interrupt with comments.

"What do you think?" I asked.

"I think that's fantastic!" She jumped up from of her seat and circled the table to sit beside me. She wrapped her arms around me, squishing her cheek against mine. The scent of vanilla frosting clung to her like a perfume.

"You're really okay with this?" I expected more emotions. Some tears, perhaps. At least a whimper of sorrow.

"Okay?" Mom pulled back and gripped my hand between hers. "Sweetheart, I'm ecstatic. I've been wishing for years that you'd finally gather up the courage to get out of this place."

"You've wanted me to leave for years?"

"I didn't want that." she corrected me, sounding slightly annoyed at the implication that she was trying to get rid of me. "It's just, well, you've been talking about traveling and moving somewhere exciting since you were about fifteen. I just wanted you to do what would make you happy."

"Are you going to miss me?"

Mom slapped my arm and then dragged me into another hug. "More than you can even imagine. You are my heart, Steven. It's going to be like losing a limb to have you so far away. But I know how good this will be for you. That takes the sting away a little bit."

"I'm really scared."

Mom brushed her fingers through my hair. "You won't be doing it alone. You have an amazing guy. He loves you so much, honey."

"I know." I said. "I love him, too. It's just—"

"Just what?" She stared at me with eyes just like mine.

"Every time I think about moving there for him, I get this gnawing in the pit of my stomach."

"Why?"

I shrugged. "I don't know."

"You're just a worrywart, Stevie. Once you're there and settled, you'll be fine." She laid a hand on my cheek and pulled my head to the side to kiss my temple.

"Maybe." I mumbled.

"I got to be getting back." Mom slapped her legs and stood up with a sigh. "You want some cupcakes to take to Elian?"

I nodded. "Sure."

Mom gestured for me to follow her. She loaded a box with freshly baked cupcakes and added extra frosting for good measure. She handed me the box and patted my back. "Try not to get in the way of your own happiness."

That was easier said than done.