Dear Park Jay ⚊ Letter Series #1

letter fifteen

Dear Park Jay,

I miss you more and more everyday, Jay. I miss everything about you. I miss hearing your voice. I miss waking up in your arms. And most importantly, I miss seeing you after work where I'll be waiting for you in the underground parking lot of HYBE.

The second you see me leaning against my car, you'll immediately leave the boys and run to me like a kid excited to get home. For you, I am your home.

Once you were in front of me, you'll hug me and even raise me up to the air while saying a nonstop I miss you's. You pay no heed to your manager's warning if a sasaeng might be in the are and might see us together doing that, but despite of that, you didn't care.

And that's what I love about you. You love to risk everything just for me.

Things are getting better now, at least. I'm getting used to my new life now and becoming more responsible at the new baby inside me, but sometimes, it's still hard to breathe without you around.

Sometimes, I don't even want to wake up if only to see the world in its state missing you. Sometimes, all I do is cry all night wishing you were here comforting me for the lost of you.

I miss you so much, Jay.

My mom said I shouldn't be stressing or be so depressingly sad all the time because of Baby Jay, it's unhealthy for him. But I can't help it. I can't stop it.

Honestly, Jay. I'm terrified once he's already here. I know I have the support of everyone, of your family and mine, of your friends from Enhypen and I know every step of the way, they'll help me raise him.

But knowing you aren't here to see him grow up kills me.

I'm scared, Jay. I'm extremely scared to even want of seeing what he will look like. What if he really looks just like you?

I'm still not ready for him. I need you here, Jay. Your son needed you as well.

But how? You're not here anymore.

love, Y/N & baby Jay.