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alexa, play like that by bea miller
DAY 17
Amelia sighed tiredly as she stared at James' broken door that was propped up against his doorway.
He was hiding again.
As much as she wanted to feel hurt by his actions yesterday, she really only had herself to blame for what happened. Someone that dealt with as much trauma and chaos as James had could not be fully responsible for the way he wanted to handle things. It was Amelia's job to remain professional, not have any slip-ups, and to finish the work she had set out to do.
Regret ran thick through her veins - how could she ever let this happen? Not only had her work been compromised, but so had her growing bond with James. She let this tormented soul feel comfortable with her, only to ruin it by jeopardizing the whole project.
"James," she called out hushedly, placing her hand on the wall next to the door as she waited for a response.
Nothing.
"James," Amelia spoke louder this time.
"Go. Away."
The malice that dripped on James' tongue as he spoke sent waves of anger rushing through Amelia's body. His incessant need to act like a child when he was upset annoyed her - he could simply come out and talk with her, like two adults. But she knew that would never happen. It was so difficult to remember why he was this way when deep down, she was hurt, too.
"This is what you wanted, right, James?" Amelia retorted, her nostrils flaring as she crossed her arms in front of her chest. "You pushed and pushed, and now what? What is up your ass this time?"
She regretted her words as soon as they left her mouth. Why was she letting him drive her crazy like this? It wasn't like her to feel so out of control.
Amelia was hurt. She let herself be vulnerable with Bucky, let herself relax a little too much when it came to him, all because she unknowingly was letting herself care for him this entire time. She cared about making him better, even if making him better meant giving in to his needs. And her own.
James' fragmented door suddenly was whisked away, crashing into the wall beside of his empty desk, making her flinch with wide eyes. His metal fingers flexed as his chest bobbed up and down heavily, his hair strewn across his cheeks. His enraged blue orbs felt like they were shooting daggers through her as he stared at her coldly.
This was all Bucky knew how to do, this was all he was used to, being angry. Maybe his progress with Amelia was truly temporary, maybe he was never meant to be fixed. As much as her worried eyes made him want to touch her, tell her that he was an idiot for acting this way, he couldn't let his guard down with her again. He could handle her being angry with him over this, as long as it meant she was safe from his chaos.
"I won't tell you to go away again."
The all-to-familiar fury resonated through his voice, his eyes. Seeing this kind of resentment inside of James again made Amelia feel like a failure. Had she failed him? Her mind flickered to how he looked when he was able to go outside, talk to Steve, have his first session - that look was long gone now. Instead, he appeared to be the same exact James she had met seventeen days ago. Cold. Mean.
"We're back to this, I see," she nodded weakly, smacking her tongue against her teeth in annoyance - at herself. She did this.
James could see the distress in Amelia's hazel eyes, the way the realization kept hitting her as they spoke. He struggled to compose his facial expression as he watched her, wanting nothing more than to cradle her in his arms, brush her hair out of her face, kiss her the way she pleaded him to yesterday.
But instead, he indignantly said, "Sorry to disappoint you."
He wondered if this endless cycle of hurting people could have possibly ended because of her. When he was around Amelia, he longed to be good, to make her smile, to show her and everyone else that he could be a normal person. But looking at how pure she was reminded him of how much he wasn't. She deserved so much more than what he wanted to give her.
Hurting her now would save her from more pain in the long run.
The detachment in James' tone infuriated Amelia even more. Not only was he taking a thousand steps back acting this way, but he was pretending as if he had no feelings at all. After all of that time pursuing her, he wanted to act like he was heartless now. She knew better, she had seen evidence, flashes of his heart every now and then.
"I'm not disappointed," she snapped back tentatively.
"Your face says otherwise."
Lifting her chin slightly, Amelia sucked in a deep breath as she steadily whispered, "I'm not because that would mean that I care, and I don't."
If he could so easily hurt her, she was going to hit him where it hurts, too, tenfold.
