Sunflower Reviews

Ria - Fractured Reality

Reviewer: fire_dragon_24

Review: Fractured Reality

Client: Rudolfa_WolfPack

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Cover and Blurb: I really liked the cover. It set off the theme of the book perfectly, and is great! However, I would ask for the author name's position to be changed. Moving to the downward side would help a lot, and make it seem more professional. The blurb's structure is also great. The information that it contains is perfect, and doesn't give away too much about the book. Still, I think it can be improved.

What the blurb is: Xeana is a girl in District 6. She dedicates herself to her work of caring for people. Life hasn't been the same for Xeana since the accident on the rails, but she always works to make the best of life. However, when Xeana's name is called in the Reaping, her life falls even further apart.

Will her dedication and charm get her through the games? Or will she be sent home in a box like so many before her?

May the odds be ever in your favour.

Improved version: Xeana, a girl from District 6, dedicates herself to her work of caring for people. Ever since her parents accident on the rails, Xeana's life hasn't been as easy as it used to be. However, with her her hard work, she she always tries to make the best of her life. As thunder strikes in the form of her name being called out in the Reaping, her barely put together life tumbles apart, leaving her scared and confused.

Will her dedication and charm be enough to get her through the unforgiving games? Or will she be sent home in a box like many others before her?

Only one thing can be said.

May the odds be ever in your favour.

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I just think that this is a way to improve the already great description by the author. Of course, it doesn't have to be used. Other than that, I think that the cover and blurb are a great start!

Grammar: Overall, the use of the English language was nothing but immaculate. With descriptive words, great uses of verbs and other similes and the like, I feel that it couldn't have been better. However, I will say that there were quite a lot of grammatical errors. Commas and full stops were used incorrectly, making the grammar one of the only weak points of the book. I have set aside a few examples.

Example 1:

What it was: I knocked against the weathered door, "Come in!" A warm voice called from inside.

What it should be: I knocked against the weathered door. "Come in!", a warm voice called from inside.

Example 2:

What it was: Candace returned and handed me the towel. I wiped away his sweat and turned the cloth over to leave on his face, my work here was now done, "Right," I said, packing up my bag, "Try and get some rest in before 2, the more you can get in the better. And drink lots of water," Matthew nodded, "Thank you," He said, hoarsely, I gave the bottle to Candace, "Use this before you go out, and again later tonight, I'll collect it tomorrow," Candace took the bottle gingerly, and thanked me, we both left Matthew to sleep.

What it should be: Candace returned and handed me he towel. I wiped away his sweat, and turned the cloth over to leave on his face. My work here was now done. "Right.", I said, packing up my bag. "Try and get some rest in before 2. The more you can get in, the better. And drink lots of water." Matthew nodded. "Thank you.", he voiced out, hoarsely. I gave the bottle to Candace and said, "Use this before you go out, and again later tonight. I'll collect it tomorrow." Candace took the bottle gingerly, and thanked me. We both left Matthew to sleep.

Example 3:

What it was: Unable to bear the smell, Adelaide stood up to breathe, "Nice talking with you Xeana,"

What it should be: Probably unable to bear the smell, Adelaide stood up to breathe. "Nice talking with you Xeana."

Explanation: Since this is not Adelaide's point of view, it shouldn't be certain what she was thinking. This is why "probably" should be added.

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Unfortunately, such mistakes have been done throughout the book. But, this is not something to worry too much about. Once the book is finished, it can be edited by the author and sent over to an editing center, like the one for Sunflower Community. I will say, the amount of description and the way that things were described was nothing but perfect. A really huge "Awesome job!" for the author on that.

Plot: The plot was the best thing in the book. I absolutely loved it! And judging by the comments on the book, I'm sure that other's do too. The plot is very unique and well structured. The pacing is great! The book reveals crucial information exactly when the time comes. Not too early and not too late. The main thing that caught my eye is the development of the plot. It is truly amazing and captures the reader's attention, proving to be a hooking factor for the book.

I'm sure that everyone knows that having a hooking factor proves to be extremely beneficial for the book. It doesn't let the reader keep the book down. And that is exactly what happened to me. I found myself whizzing through the chapters, thirsty to find out what would happen next. Overall, the plot is immaculate, doesn't need any changes, and one of the best features of the book. A huge, huge "amazing job!" to the author for that.

Characterization: Once again, the characterization was excellent. Xeana's character was developed over time, and her story was revealed perfectly. Unlike other books, her story was revealed almost fully in one chapter. But for this book, it just worked out perfectly, unlike what would have happened in other books. This is because it's main genre is dystopian and fantasy, meaning there's a lot of action. Also, it was based on Xeana's current and future actions, not her past. So, I feel that revealing her past at once was the perfect step for this book.

The side characters also played an important role in showing Xeana's personality. For example, when she starts crying in front of Candace and feels embarrassed, it shows that Xeana tries to be strong, and remain composed no matter what happens. That is great!

Overall enjoyment: I really enjoyed the book, which is amazing because I'm not really a fan of The Hunger Games. (The story is a little too sad for me) The book kept me hooked, right up until the end, and I felt as if I was reading it for my own enjoyment. A huge great job to the author. I feel that the book can go to a whole lot of places, and just a few minor problems (such as the grammatical errors) need to be fixed.

To the author: I really love your book! Keep writing awesome works like this one! Thank you so much for choosing me to review you wonderful book. xx

-Ria