GUILTLESS | ❝Oh, but I'm not bitter, I'm just tired.❞
A little place where you can be formally introduced to my original characters, who I love with every inch of my being.
[ meet my oc's | book one ]
[ extended summary inside ]
12.11...
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EFFIE ━ America has fifty stars, and England has one... me.
THOMAS ━ You always knew that you wanted to be a professional Charleston dancer! EFFIE ━ I just wanted to be a star in any way I got it. If I didn't become a star by 35, I was just going to become a serial killer... [walksoff without any context] THOMAS ━ ... Well girl, how old are you? I'm getting nervous—
KITTY ━ I just want to make a good impression on Alison. EFFIE ━ Yeah, well, I want Olive Thomas to not be dead, but here we find ourselves...
ALISON ━ Oh my God, did you put glitter in the laundry detergent? EFFIE ━ Oh yeah, I'm experimenting with some new entrepreneurial ideas. That one's called Sparkle Suds. Dress loud. ALLISON ━ Will you stop putting glitter in everything? This morning you put glitter in the dairy. EFFIE ━ Disco Dairy. Spread the party.
PAT ━ No matter how self-absorbed and shallow you pretend to be— EFFIE ━ Excuse me, there is no pretence here! I happen to be genuinely self-absorbed and deeply shallow.
EFFIE ━ I'm pretty but tough, like a diamond. Or beef jerky in a ball gown. ROBIN ━ What does that MEAN?!
EFFIE ━ Are you really not going to tell Lloyd how you feel? LINDA ━ [Stays silent] EFFIE ━ [Sighs] That's such a Captain-and-Havers move. LINDA ━ Wait, the Captain was in love with Havers? EFFIE ━ Oh, yeah! And he never told him. That sweet gay coward...
THE CAPTAIN ━ Ever since Alison taught Effie about internet slang, she's been going around the house talking like she's on Twitter. EFFIE ━ [From the living room] OOF, what a call out sis! The tea is scorching! THE CAPTAIN ━ Please. Stop.
EFFIE ━ Fuck, I wanna die. LADY FANNY ━ Language! EFFIE ━ Heckity heck, I crave death.
[In one of their meetings arranged by Pat] PAT ━ Name a famous Willy. EFFIE ━ WILLY THE POOH! PAT ━ Effie, no. Close but no.
THOMAS ━ Feel my shirt. That's boyfriend material. EFFIE ━ It looks a little too clingy and hard to maintain.
MARY OR KITTY ━ [Seems sad] EFFIE ━ [Charleston dancing gently] What's wrong, ladies?
EFFIE ━ [Knows hors d'oeuvres is pronounces "ordervs"] ALSO EFFIE ━ Horse divorce.
[ this one was so fun to make, since all of the ghosts are SO chaotic... and also that last quote is a running joke with effie that she keeps mispronouncing things. whether it's on purpose or not, i guess we'll never know 🤷🏼♀️ also the little linda & lloyd cameo! gotta love my enemies-to-lovers musical duo from the 1960s living in the garden shed ]
