Chapter two

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I'm sick of waiting in bed waiting for sleep to take over, only to wake up and repeat the day I had yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that. I'm sick of acting like I'm okay all the time. I'm sick of the past and the permanent stain it left behind. I'm sick of my scars, of my body, of my appearance. I'm sick of everything, I'm sick of living.

I woke up feeling worse then I normally do, I looked towards my white chipped window, it was still dark outside. I reached for my phone and clicked it on. Light flooded onto my face and I covered my eyes as I read the time.

3:46am.

I stood up from my bed, off balance as my blood flowed through my body and my head felt weightless. I took a step through my room and picked up a pair of dark navy joggers that I left just lying on the floor and pulled them up my thighs and then began searching for a top, something long sleeved. I grabbed an oversized black hoodie that was hanging off my small chair in the corner of my room and pulled it over my skin.

Opening my door, I cringed at the slight creek it made and tip-toed across the marble floor to get to Elliots room.

I smiled as I walked into his room. He had a white carpet with bright blue walls and curtains, with cars dotted around the room. Elliot and I's favourite colour was blue, I think he copied it from me but I find it cute nonetheless.

I walked towards his bed and kneeled, tucking behind a piece of dark brown silky hair over an ear.

He smiles in his sleep, a little bit, making soft lines by his lips where his prominent dimples normally were.

"El." I whispered, shaking him slightly.

His eyes slowly fluttered open, his long lashes drowsily rising with them.

"Ria?" He asked.

"Want to go on a little road trip with your big sister?" I smiled.

He smiled up at me as he quickly rushed out of bed in his avengers pajamas.

"But we have to be quiet though, okay? Here, jump on my back, you're heavy footed." I bent down slightly and he giggled quietly as he said,"I'm not heavy footed."

He jumped on my back and I quietly made my way down the stairs.

"Yes, El, you are."

He let out an annoyed sigh and I quietly chuckled. He's only 5 yet sometimes he acts like a wise and impatient 70 year old man.

*****

I took him to a large field I liked to drive to, to watch the stars. When I was around his age I didn't get to enjoy things like this, my childhood was over before it had even begun and I wanted him to experience and do things I wished I could of done. I wanted him to be able to think back on his childhood and not remember something that destroyed it, but all the memories that I made for it.

I pulled out blankets and pillows from the trunk of my car from the other times we had come here.

Elliot sat down on the cushions and I sat down next to him, wrapping a blanket around him as we both lie down. Staring at the stars as they stare back.

"I love you, El."

"I love you too Ria." He smiled and turned to look at me but I just carried on looking up.

"If you ever need to tell me anything I'm always here, I will never judge you, never abandon you, never not believe you."

He only giggled. I was being serious, but he was just a kid, he didn't understand so I just smiled at him and began tickling him, his high pitched laugh echoed off the darkness around us.

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