Silent Reading 默读 [BL Novel by Priest]

Chapter 129 to 139

CHAPTER 129 - Reading Aloud (4)

The City Bureau was a very interesting place. One street away was the city center's old commercial district, the façades of high-quality hotels and a number of large established shopping malls; with these "façades" to gather public interest, shopping streets of all different grades of quality had arisen as well. If you walked out of the City Bureau and crossed the street, right across from the gates was a parking lot surrounded by all kinds of little food stalls. The further it got into the dead of winter, the more frenzied the buying was. For some reason, business was especially prosperous—maybe it was because the current generation of police comrades was unusually gluttonous.

There was a luxury sports car parked in the open-air parking lot that was entirely out of tune with the surroundings. Near it was a cart selling takoyaki. The line stretched out for a dozen meters like a dragon, truly an awe-inspiring sight.

Fei Du stuck out his head to take a look and gave it up, putting the car window back up, chatting to Lu Jia next to him. "After the year-end bonuses have been paid out is a peak period for handing in resignations. What plans do you have for next year? Are you going to keep working for me, or are you planning to experience a different kind of life?"

These last few days, Luo Wenzhou had been working overtime at the City Bureau, so it had been more convenient for him to drive his own car in and out. Fei Du had driven over in his own. For Lu Jia, the sports car's driver's seat was slightly cramped. He didn't quite have space for his belly. Hearing the question, he looked up and leaned back. "President Fei, do you not want to support me anymore because I eat too much and my engine capacity is too high?"

"Of course not." Fei Du swept an eye towards the City Bureau. "I'm living off a mistress myself."

Lu Jia laughed silently for a while. The evening lights passed through the crack in the car window that hadn't been fully closed, falling into his long, narrow eyes, leaving a pinpoint of light at their corners.

Then his smile became dimmer and dimmer, and he was silent for a while. Lu Jia said, "I've heard someone say that those people who take drugs have the physiological structure of their brains changed by the drugs—that sounds pretty horrifying. Think about it. If experience, character, upbringing, and so on are all the body's removable software, then the brain must be the hardware. If your brain changes, the equivalent of changing from an Ultrabook to a Xiao Bawang1, it's like another soul has been reincarnated in your body. Even though you have the same memories, you're not the same person as before."

Fei Du didn't interrupt, listening very patiently.

"But actually I sometimes think that trauma is something similar." Lu Jia's tone changed. He unbuckled his seatbelt and stretched in the confined space. "Trauma can also change a person beyond recognition. Sometimes you look at other people, then look in the mirror, and you feel hollow inside. You think, how did I become like this? I don't even recognize myself.

"Ordinary people pursue things, nothing but houses, cars, careers, love, position, dreams. They're busy every day, each one of them holding a bellyful of worries and happiness. Their worries are genuine feelings, and their happiness is sincere. They don't know what 'inconstancy' is. They think that today is the same as yesterday is the same as tomorrow. They won't think, 'I'm only an ant sitting on a dead leaf floating in the river that can overturn any time.'"

Fei Du didn't pass comment. With his chin propped on his hand, he made a noise and waited for him to continue speaking.

"But you're different. You can't spend your days like that. You're like a hen that's had its feathers scared off by a firework and can't lay eggs anymore.—You look at other people and think that all the things they're pursuing are illusions. You can't treat them as real. They can vanish just like that. You have nightmares every day. Your head is full of vain hopes. You're irritable, worried, anxious for absolutely no reason... When someone gives you a second look, you think maybe he has bad intentions. When someone stops you in the street to ask for directions, you think he may be plotting something. Sometimes you'll even see someone feeling around in his bag too long and suspect he's got a hidden weapon on him."