The Mimic

37

"You took a chunk out of that wall when you hit it, y/n! You could sign those bricks!" Sam exclaimed with a laugh as they continued to rewind the clip. Y/n rolled her eyes with a fond smile. She wasn't embarrassed of the clip of her hitting the wall, but it wasn't something she wanted to relive over and over. It just reminded her of how disoriented and exhausted she was, she was just surprised she ran in a straight line. But, the team were having fun picking it apart, so she didn't mind.

Y/n soon glanced behind herself, to notice Bruce stood in the doorway. He raised his eyebrows at her expectantly with a slight head tilt, gesturing that they should walk back to the lab. Y/n's smile seemed to falter slightly at the sight of Bruce. She knew she had to talk to him. But she didn't want to. She didn't want to bring the emotions from last night back up. Y/n sighed, making her way toward Bruce so she didn't have to talk to him from across the room. "Do we have to?" She asked with a frown, leaning against the wall and watching the team have fun. Bruce nodded with a slight hum, crossing his arms over his chest. "It's either that or I just get Wanda to read your mind. I'm here to help you, y/n. I can't do that if you don't tell me anything." Bruce said seriously. Wanda would never accept to reading y/n's mind, but y/n didn't know that. Y/n seemed to tense up at the idea of Wanda reading her mind, standing up a little straighter. She didn't want Wanda to do that, there was too much going on in her head, she didn't want Wanda to be affected by that. Y/n gulped slightly at the idea of that, her eyes seeming to fill with a sort of nervousness. "Fine..." She murmured, glancing back at the team once more. Y/n ended up making eye contact with Bucky, who seemed to be watching her with a concerned frown. He could see how nervous and uncomfortable she was. Bucky nodded at her as if he was asking if she was okay, but all he earned in response was a head tilt to gesture for him to follow. So he did, standing up from the couch as he made his way toward Bruce and y/n. The trio begun to walk down the hall to the lab, Bucky's hand on y/n's back in attempt to calm her a little. "You alright?" He asked curiously. Y/n nodded with a sigh, but she didn't look okay. She didn't want to talk about it. She was having a good day. "Yeah, I just need you there."

Soon enough, y/n and Bucky were sat on the edge of the medical bed whilst Bruce leant against one of the counters opposite them. Y/n was fiddling with Bucky's metal hand to distract herself as she told Bruce about her most recent nightmare. Having to pause and compose herself a few times, but she got through it. Bruce took some notes whilst y/n talked so he could remember it in the future, especially the fact that furniture in the room was floating during the nightmare. If that got worse they'd definitely have to step in, he didn't want her destroying the compound accidentally. Y/n soon finished talking, her vision blurry from tears as she continued to fiddle with Bucky's hand, refusing to look up.

 "Well, at least it shows that your memories are coming back. That's a good thing, and it must be nice to slowly start to understand yourself." Bruce hummed with a sympathetic smile. "You're not there anymore, you're safe here. It shows how far you've come." Bruce said seriously. Y/n shrugged with a sniffle, reaching up to wipe her cheeks with the back of her hand. "But the thing is, I wasn't being brainwashed then." Y/n started, looking up at Bruce with a frustrated smile, frustrated at herself. "And I was still a murderer. I mind controlled guards and shot people in the head. That wasn't me being under their control. That was me, Bruce. Me." Y/n said with a hint of bitterness in her voice, shrugging Bucky's arm away when he tried to pull her closer. Y/n stood up from the medical bed, just needing to pace as she talked. "How am I supposed to be this 'new avenger' with all this blood on my hands?" She vented, laughing bitterly. Bruce glanced up, noticing as things in the lab begun to levitate. "Y/n-" He started, but was quickly cut off by y/n's venting again. Bucky met Bruce's eyes with a nervous look. "People now expect me to be a hero, but even without brainwashing I killed people! Not knocked out, killed. And I smiled about it! I smiled!" Y/n vented, beginning to raise her voice. She continued to pace back and forth, running her hands through her hair out of stress. "I didn't even hesitate! I just made them pull the trigger with no second thought. What if they had families, hm?" Y/n begun to break down, hitting her head with her palms. She was so angry at herself. She was a monster. "Parents waiting at the dinner table. Partners waiting at the end of the phone for a phone call. Children asking where mommy or daddy is. Pets waiting for-" Y/n was suddenly cut off as she crashed into Bucky's chest.

Bucky enveloped her in a tight hug, moving her hands away from her head. Y/n broke down into Bucky's chest, crying hard out of ager and frustration. Bucky didn't say a word as he held y/n close, simply closing his eyes with a sad look on his face. He hated seeing her beat herself up like this, but he understood exactly where she was coming from. The overwhelming guilt of all the lives he'd taken was crushing. Bucky rested his chin on top of y/n's head, rubbing her back slowly. The angry cries soon turned into sadness as the furniture in the room fell back to the ground. Bucky kissed the top of y/n's head as he continued to rub her back, knowing she just needed him to be there. "You're not a monster. You and I both know that. You were raised by them, taught how to kill and fight from a young age. That was all you knew." Bucky murmured quietly. Y/n nodded slowly as she kept her head buried in Bucky's chest. She felt safe there, in his arms. She wasn't a monster when she was with Bucky. She was just a normal person.

Bruce watched in shock, quickly taking notes of it all. Maybe it wasn't the right time for y/n to announce herself as one of the Avengers. She had enough going on mentally to deal with the pressures of the public watching her every move...