𝐕𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐞 𝐇𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫 ✰ 𝕚𝕞𝕒𝕘𝕚𝕟𝕖𝕤

episode ^

- kinda sad content :/
- TW (depression, panic attacks, disassociation, anxiousness)
- i'm sorry if i say anything false or inaccurate this is just based on my personal experience.
- cringe warning lol
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y/n's pov

vinnie and i were supposed to go on a date but i couldn't get out of bed. i knew he'd be there any second to come pick me up but there i laid. thoughts just replayed in my head. how could he ever want someone like me? he probably just likes me for my looks. am i even pretty though? what if he's just with me out of pity?

it was all nonsense and i knew that, but my mind wouldn't stop. after hearing things over and over again you tend to start believing it. the thought of him seeing me like this was making me sick to my stomach. i wanted to get up but i just couldn't. no matter how hard i tried. no matter how much i cried and screamed at myself. my body just wouldn't move.

i could tell myself i had responsibilities, i could tell myself i had people to make proud, but it was all pointless to my brain. i was deep down convinced that nothing mattered and there was no reason i should even have to breathe. but as soon as he came across my mind suddenly i had a reason. suddenly i needed to be better.

anything for him. except for today apparently. not even the thought of him walking in on my tear covered face and tissue covered bed, made me want to get up. just moving positions in my bed was too much work. so instead i laid in the same one. not long after my eyes slowly began to shut, vinnie walked through my front door.

"babyyy are you readyyy?" he sounded so sweet, so excited. it hurt me. i wanted to leap up right then, clean my face and just pretend that i overslept and that everything was fine. but i couldn't. i just laid there and waited to accept my defeat. he opened my bedroom door holding a bouquet of flowers. his smile was wide. it slowly faded when he saw me in bed.

you know that feeling when you know you're not ok and you see one of your people and you just can't contain yourself ? so you just break down crying. but you only do this with certain people, with others you can still hold it in ? it's a hard feeling to describe. i think it's rare.

i immediately broke down again, pulling the blanket over my head. i heard him set the flowers down. he knelt down by the side of the bed. "baby?" he placed his hand on my shoulder, on top of the blanket. "you wanna tell me what's wrong my love?" i sobbed to the sound of his voice. his caring voice. he's only staying because he's a good person. he doesn't actually care about you. god you're such a burden. you should've just kept it in like you always do. you're so incapable.

"fuck! enough!" i covered my ears with my hands as if it wasn't my brain that was talking. there was no running away from it. there was no covering my ears to stop hearing it. it was always there. it was always screaming. "i'm sorry..." he backed away from me. "no! no v i'm sorry i didn't mean you.." i sat up. he looked genuinely worried. you're scaring him.

"i have some mental illnesses v.." he came closer to me again. "i understand.." he rubbed my back. "i'm sorry i ruin so many things i just i don't know i just-" i broke down crying again. this time into my hands. he got into the bed and sat behind me so my back could rest against his chest. he wrapped his arms around the front of me and held me close.

"you don't ruin anything. nothing at all. you hear me?" he spoke stern but quietly near my ear. i nodded. "just because your brain has a few messed up wires doesn't mean that you're a bad person. you are not defined by this." i sobbed even harder. "i got you." he moved my hands away from my face and held my wrists in his two hands. he rubbed his cheek against mine. his touch makes me feel so safe.