16. Journal Entry Three of Learning

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Ever since I was a kid, I've wanted to be a doctor

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Ever since I was a kid, I've wanted to be a doctor.

I don't think it really hit me until we were in high school and we were taken for that medical exhibition that was done by the local medical college.

All the students in white lab coats explaining various parts of the body across multiple floors did creep some of my classmates out, but there were a few of us who found it fascinating.

Despite the long hours, I also love my residency.

I never love it as much as when I get to stand with the doctor or the attending and tell the patient or their families that surgery was successful and they're all set and well on the way to recovery.

The looks on their faces are priceless, Dad.

I've never been so glad to be a doctor, though, as I was earlier today.

I don't like that she was impaled by our lemon tree, but I do like that I got to –

God.

I'm excited that I got to patch up a teeny tiny wound?

That I got to pull out a thorn?

Dad, I think someone needs to examine my head.

Possibly, my heart.

It was racing the whole time.

It's only now that I've been in my room alone for a while that it's calming down.

She was standing alone in the kitchen, trying to get it out, herself.

I think my heart broke a little knowing that she didn't want to bother anyone in the house.

The more I think about it, the sadder it makes me because I wonder if she has someone to extend that much care to her, as well.

The way that she immediately turned to help herself makes me wonder if she does ever ask for help.

Maybe, I'm being a complete neuro about it all, but the fact that I'm sure she didn't, even for a moment, think to go check for help, makes me some sort of sad.

I wanted to tell her that she can always, always come to me if she needed anything, but in the moment, it seemed a bit much.

Especially, after that Sleeping Beauty comment that I made.

Again, idiot.

She watched my hands, the whole time that I pulled out the torn and put on the ointment.

I know because I looked at her every moment that I was able to.

I don't know what she was thinking, but I'm not sure if it was something particularly happy.

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